


this type of mine

by thisissirius



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Discovery, Shadowhunters Big Bang, Soul Bond, Telepathy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-07-08
Packaged: 2018-07-22 06:04:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7422832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisissirius/pseuds/thisissirius
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>alec and magnus have a bond. it's probably going to be telepathic.</p><p>or the one where the lightwoods are put on trial in more ways than one and alec slowly falls in love with magnus one day at a time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	this type of mine

**Author's Note:**

> they say it takes a village, and this is no exception. 
> 
> first of all, thanks to janoda for being 99.9% responsible for most of this fic. she was with me every step of the way, and she didn't hesitate to leave me messages like "no why is alec doing this?" and "i don't think this is right" and "I know this is not the place, but Siri, after this fic, we need to cheer ourselves up and write the Kitchen Nightmare story."
> 
> sam!!!! who went through and edited this thing. she helped me beat this thing into shape and helped me delete all the annoying typos. she also left great comments like "brb crying" and "LOL, robert please."
> 
> between them, they actually made this thing readable and i couldn't have done it without you guys <3
> 
> also simon, who heard me whine ("when can i post it, i just want it done, i'm editing again, it's the worst") and didn't tell me to shut up. also who has faith in me <3<3
> 
> ** 
> 
> this is because i have a thing about battle couple??? and wanted telepathy!fic. this is less battle couple, and more .... "nothing happens in this fic. at all". pretty sure that's an actual quote by me. i hope you guys like it, and that it's actually interesting and not 26k words of trash.
> 
> enjoy!!
> 
> (some canon events have been amended/changed to suit my needs. because i can.)

Alec doesn’t notice because he’s not looking for it.

It’s a summoning spell, not something he’s done before, but neither is it going to affect the rest of his life. Taking the hand Magnus offers him is easy, the bond between them solidifying in the back of Alec’s mind. It seems to take an age to tear his eyes away from Magnus and turn to Jace.

It’s not until after, when it’s time to go, that saying goodbye to Magnus leaves a bad taste in his mouth. He hovers in the doorway, _there’s nothing to be ashamed of_ still ringing in his ears, and he wants to say something, he wants to stay.

Everyone’s waiting for him — usually he’s the first one out of the door — but Alec can’t stop staring at Magnus, opening his mouth to say something, _anything_. He closes it again, unable to. Magnus holds up a hand like he wants to touch or pull Alec in. Alec wants to let him, wants to kiss him and crowd him against the wall and —

— _fuck_.

“I should, uh, um, go,” he says, eyes dropping to Magnus’ mouth. He needs to get the hell out of here before he does something stupid. He barely knows Magnus, and he’s better at controlling himself than this. He doesn’t know what’s going on, but he know he needs to leave if he wants to clear his head.

“Call me?” Magnus says, holding out his phone. Alec hesitates only a second before he takes it, typing his number in quickly.

He leaves before Magnus can say anything to make him stay.

A headache starts to pulse behind his right eye as they make their way home. It gets harder to ignore the closer they get to the Institute. All of them are silent and weary and Alec can’t stomach the thought of reporting to the Clave or making his excuses for their failure, so he shuts himself in his room for the rest of the night. Trying to ignore the tightness of his chest, he has nothing else to focus on but the pain exploding in the back of his mind.

 

 

The headache doesn’t go away.

Jace, Clary, and even Izzy are preoccupied with saving Clary’s mom and Alec knows he’s letting jealousy rule his heart, but he can’t make himself stop. He hates what Clary represents, the shifting of Alec’s relationship with both Jace and Izzy, though he knows it’s selfish to hate Clary for it.

When his parents arrive from Idris, it just makes things worse. They bring with them the same disappointment Alec always feels with himself; that he’s not good enough and never will be. He takes to training more often, because it keeps him out of sight and lets him take out his frustration on something.

When his phone rings, Alec doesn’t recognise the number. Usually he ignores any caller without ID, but something about this one makes him answer, as he turns his back on Clary.

“ _Alexander_ ,” Magnus says, and Alec is glad Clary can’t see the expression on his face; he doesn’t know why he’s so glad to hear from Magnus, but he's smiling widely anyway. Magnus is talking, something about him being sympathetic and wanting a drink. Alec doesn’t even hesitate to agree to whatever it is. When he realises that Clary is gone, that he’s screwed up, he has to hang up on Magnus. It just makes the anger and irritation blossom into something ugly.

It’s easy to take everything out on her.

The pain in his head doesn’t help. It seems to exacerbate his sense of wrongness, of there being something _missing_. He puts it down to his irritation and now a little jealousy over Jace, and does his best to ignore it. It’s hard, especially when Jace is staring him in the face and blaming him, like Clary isn’t a grown woman and can’t make up her own mind. Alec only ever does his best, and it hurts to constantly be told he isn’t good enough.

There’s a brief, sudden flash of fury that overtakes Alec then, though he doesn’t know where it comes from. He turns his back on Jace before he can say something he’ll regret and fights down the urge to punch something. He frowns, rubbing the heel of his hand against his left eye. He’s never _this_ angry.

The headache is starting to affect his work; he can’t even form a tracking bond with Jace. When Jace curses him out this time, Alec’s not so sure he’s wrong.

Back at the Institute, ignoring the jealousy and hurt left in the wake of Jace choosing Clary over common sense, ignoring everything they’ve been taught again, he takes painkillers, tries _iratzes_ and anything else he thinks will help. Nothing works.

At the end of his rope, he’s contemplating asking Izzy for help when Jace calls. Magnus wants — _needs_ — Alec.

Alec doesn’t hesitate; he’s on his way to Magnus’ loft as soon as he’s hung up the phone.

 

 

“Take what you need,” Alec says, helping Magnus back up on to his knees.

Closing his eyes as Magnus draws on his strength, the thump of Alec’s heart seems too loud in his ears, hyper aware of every place Magnus’ body is touching his. It’s not unlike a tracking bond with Jace, the pull of someone else’s consciousness in his head, the euphoria of someone’s mind touching his. When Luke is finally healed, when Magnus collapses into his arms, Alec feels like his whole body is on fire. Magnus looks at him, mouth parted, and when their eyes meet, Alec’s entire body thrums with heat.

He wants.

 

 

Alec hangs around Magnus’ apartment when things have calmed down. His headache is gone, and he’s not angry at Clary — or Jace — anymore. He feels more like himself than he has in days. When everyone else has left and Alec is alone with Magnus and Luke, he picks up a towel from the bathroom. It’s still damp and Alec flushes when he thinks of Magnus taking a shower, the little skin Alec’s managed to see so far giving him a good idea of what Magnus looks like when he —

Shaking his head, Alec heads for the couch, intent on clearing up the blood. He’s used to this, the aftermath, cleaning up any mess left behind. He’s stopped resenting it, accepts it as his duty, even though he knows with a certainty that surprises him that Magnus doesn’t expect it of him.

“You know I have magic for that right?”

Alec quirks his lips, says something about exertion, anything to keep the conversation going. It feels right to be doing this. Alec doesn’t want to be anywhere else.

“Drink break?” Magnus holds out a glass of clear liquid that Alec’s not sure he really wants, but can’t keep the smile off of his face anyway. He drops the towel on the couch and comes around to meet Magnus. He can always clean up more later.

As soon as Alec has the glass, Magnus clicks his fingers, sending sparks into Alec’s drink. Alec doesn’t know if it’s necessary, or just for his benefit. Either way, he gives Magnus a small smile, taking a sip. It’s… not terrible, but not exactly good. He must make a face from the small laugh Magnus makes into his own glass.

“Why did you ask for me?” Alec asks, almost as soon as he’s pulled the glass away. “Jace and Clary were both here.”

He’s wondered ever since Jace called, unsure why he’d be necessary when Magnus had access to two Shadowhunters, one of them Clary, who obviously has a connection with Luke. Alec’s nothing special; he’s never been anything special, and even though he thinks Magnus is attractive, he’s not sure Magnus thinks the same about him. Why would he?

Magnus shrugs. “Jace didn’t tell you?” At Alec’s shake of the head, he turns away toward the window, fingers running over his glass. “It doesn’t matter, it was a lie anyway.”

It’s cryptic, and Alec opens his mouth to say that, except another word pops into his head. He’s not good with this kind of thing, though he’s seen Jace and Izzy flirt enough for a lifetime, but can’t seem to help himself. “Being coy, huh?”

Pleased surprise flickers across Magnus’ face. “I was hoping I wouldn’t have to spell it out for you.”

As strange as it is, Alec knows the truth even though he doesn’t understand it, or where it comes from. “You wanted to see me again?”

Magnus nods in agreement. His expression is open yet apprehensive. “It’s been a long time since I’ve felt anything for anyone, Alec, man or woman. You’ve unlocked something in me.”

It’s too much. Alec’s not -- there’s nothing about Alec that’s ever been what anyone sees or wants first. He’s not sure how to reply, confused and uncertain about what Magnus is saying. “ _Why_?”

For the first time since they met, Magnus looks unsure of himself. He puts his glass on the table and gives Alec a wary look before he speaks. “I think we might have bonded.”

There’s a long, awful silence, before the abrupt shift in the conversation hits Alec. “What are you talking about?”

Magnus looks tired, face drawn and his movements aren’t as fluid and effortless as they have been up until now. He looks small. “During the summoning of the memory demon, something happened that shouldn’t have. We bonded.”

“I know,” Alec says, confused. “We all did. I felt it in my head.”

Expression shifting into something fearful, Magnus turns on his heel. “When you took Jace’s hand as well?”

Alec thinks back, the warmth that had flooded him when he touched Magnus, but Jace’s hand eliciting no more than a shiver. “No. Just you.”

Magnus runs a hand over his face, leaning his back against the kitchen counter. “Alec, the seal was supposed to break as soon as the memory demon vanished. Instead, something lingered.”

Dread creeps up Alec’s spine. It’s an effort to keep his voice level when he asks, “What lingered, Magnus?”

There’s a long, drawn silence. Magnus is staring at the floor, something about him diminished in the moment, if Alec cares enough to think about it. When Magnus finally looks up, there’s shame and apprehension in his eyes. “A bond. Between us.”

Fear grips Alec. He wants to deny it, the idea of it completely ludicrous, but the expression on Magnus’ face brings him up short. He thinks about the headache, the emotions that aren’t entirely his, the fact that speaking to Magnus makes a swell of happiness settle in his chest. He swallows thickly. “You’re — you can’t — what are you saying?”

“It’s emotional, as far as I can tell,” Magnus admits softly.

Anger blossoms in Alec’s chest. For Magnus to know that, this isn’t a sudden revelation. “You knew all this time?”

“Suspected,” Magnus snaps back. “I had to be sure.”

“You should have told me,” Alec says, taking a step forward. He doesn’t know if it’s an involuntary action, or if he means it to be threatening.

Magnus’ mouth twists into an ugly smile. He doesn’t back down, pushing himself off the counter until he’s standing toe to toe with Alec. Despite being several inches shorter, Magnus seems to have a distinct presence, and Alec is reminded that he’s the High Warlock of Brooklyn for a reason. “And if I had come to you, telling you we had a bond without proof?”

 _I wouldn’t have believed you_ , Alec thinks, before he can stop himself, and triumph flashes across Magnus’ face. Alec growls under his breath. “Get out of my head!”

“You’re actually broadcasting inside of mine,” Magnus says snidely. “Something I don’t think I can fix.”

Alec’s anger turns to dread; somehow amid his fury, he’d never considered the possibility that Magnus wouldn’t be able to fix it. Magnus either hears the thought, or sees the evidence of it on Alec’s face, because he deflates a little, expression unhappy.

“There’s no way to get rid of it?” Alec asks.

“Not that I know of,” Magnus admits softly. He frowns. “There’s someone I can call, she’s a Warlock healer. She’s had experience with this kind of thing before.”

Alec doesn’t know if that means she’s dealt with other bonds, or just magic in general, but he doesn’t care as long as she can help. “Call her.”

 

 

Catarina Loss is nothing like Alec’s expecting.

As soon as Magnus told him who she was, he went looking for everything the Institute has on her in their records. Nothing he read there prepares him for the elegant, kind woman who’s waiting in Magnus’ apartment. She’s sitting cross-legged on the couch, her dark skin glistening under the light spilling through the windows, but it’s her smile that puts Alec at ease as he crosses the room.

“Alec - or is it Alexander?” Catarina stands, all grace and effortlessness, holding out a hand.

Alec stares at it, aware that the last time he held hands with a Warlock, he ended up being bonded to one. “Alec, only, well, it’s Alec. Sorry, but I don’t want—”

Catarina’s smile softens and she waves her hand. “I understand. This must be disconcerting. Magnus has told me all about you.”

That could be a positive or negative thing depending on how Magnus is feeling, especially now, so Alec leaves it alone. “Thank you for coming.”

There’s an awkward silence as Alec takes a seat in one of the chairs, perched on the end. Catarina smooths down her skirt before sitting, though Alec can feel her eyes on his face the entire time. She reminds him a little of Izzy, all beauty and refinement.

“You may as well come out!” Catarina says, loudly, startling Alec a little.

There’s a thump from the bedroom, and then Magnus appears in the doorway, frowning a little. “I was coming.”

“Mmhmm.” Catarina’s expression when she looks at Magnus is complicated, though there’s a lot of love and worry there. It’s how Izzy looks at Alec.

“Are we going to discuss the elephant in the room?” Magnus says, snidely, approaching the table of drinks against the wall. Alec’s nose wrinkles, but he knows better than to say something. He wonders how the bond works; if he thinks viciously at Magnus, will Magnus hear it? Alec almost wants him to be able to, but he’s not spiteful and this isn’t Magnus’ fault.

Catarina sighs. She catches Alec’s eye and gives him a sad smile. There’s a wealth of memory and experience in her eyes, and it’s startling; Alec sometimes forgets that Warlocks live for centuries, but he’s getting a painful reminder.

Catarina looks thoughtful. “You didn’t really explain in the message.”

“It could have been intercepted,” Alec says, feeling the words flood his mind. He bites his tongue, angry, and deliberately avoids Magnus’ gaze.

Looking surprised, Catarina looks from Magnus back to Alec. “You’ve bonded.”

It’s not a question, but Alec nods anyway. Magnus is suspiciously silent. “We were summoning a memory demon.”

“Well.” Catarina sounds thoughtful. She looks down at her knee, nail scratching lightly at the fabric of her skirt. She tilts her head up to Magnus, her expression reproachful. “You know there are precautions.”

“And I took them,” Magnus snaps, holding his hands out wide, the glass of wine in his left hand sloshing a little. “This isn’t my first summoning, Catarina.”

“I’m aware of that.” Catarina’s voice is hard.

Magnus doesn’t look ashamed, just stalks to the kitchen, leaning against the counter. Though he can’t see Magnus’ face, Alec can tell from the taut lines of Magnus’ body that he’s angry. His fingers claw against the counter, clenching into fists. It takes a moment of horrid silence for Magnus to turn around, meeting Alec’s gaze for the first time. Alec feels sucker punched, turns to look at Catarina instead.

Alec’s been angry, sad and humiliated. He hates this, doesn’t know which thoughts and emotions are his, and which belong to Magnus. “Magnus said you might have dealt with bonds before.”

Catarina nods. “Once or twice.”

“Is there a way to—” Alec cuts himself off, doesn’t really know what he wants to ask. Catarina waits, patient, and Magnus is staring down into his drink, like it will allow him to escape. Fuck him. Alec’s trying and Magnus is acting like - like he doesn’t care. Alec thinks the thought in his direction, testing the bond, and feels a sense of satisfaction at the pained noise and expression that Magnus turns on him. “If I want to get rid of it?”

He wants to hurt Magnus and succeeds; the part of Alec that’s been tinged with Magnus abruptly shuts off and Alec feels cold, sick. When he looks at Catarina, he expects her to be angry, as Magnus’ friend, but her expression is a mix of sympathy and understanding. “A bond like this is difficult to break, Alec, but it _can_ be done. If both parties are willing.”

Alec doesn’t dare look at Magnus.

“If it’s what Alexander wants,” Magnus says slowly, though his voice sounds wrecked. There’s still an emptiness in Alec’s head that makes him want to look up, to say something. He clamps down on the urge.

Alec lets the silence stretch on. He doesn’t know what he wants; he can’t bear the thought of someone knowing him so intimately, having little privacy unless he actively blocks his mind. It’s terrifying to have no secrets, to share everything he is so easily. “Can I think about it?”

Catarina nods, leaning forward a little on the couch until she can look him in the eye. “I would insist upon it if you hadn’t asked.”

Magnus doesn’t say anything else, so Alec opts to leave. Magnus ignores his goodbye, which only makes Alec angry, though he tries to shove it down when Catarina joins him to the door. She squeezes his arm gently before giving him her number. “Just in case.”

“I’m—” Alec closes his mouth, unsure what to say. He pulls open the door, glancing back over his shoulder. “Is he going to be okay?”

“No.” Catarina gives him a knowing smile. “But perhaps he will be.”

Alec doesn’t ask whether that depends on the outcome of his choice.

 

 

 

Sleep doesn’t come easily that night.

He tosses and turns for hours, mind unable to keep from running through a million scenarios. He’s spent most of his life trying to ignore the fact that he’s attracted to guys, something the Clave doesn’t permit, and something he’s done his best to keep at bay. As soon as he saw Magnus, gave him his name, that attraction reared its head once more.

That attraction feels a lot like desire, like Alec wants to kiss Magnus, touch him. Does their bond mean that Magnus can see those desires? That he’ll know how Alec feels? Or worse — what if he’s just feeling Magnus’ desire so much that he thinks it’s his. The thought frightens him, having someone so intimately connected to things he’s tried to hide for so long. Perhaps if they break the bond, the feelings for Magnus will go away. If they keep it, is Alec even in control of anything? The more he thinks about it, the angrier he gets. This isn’t fair.

Everything is going wrong. Clary, the Cup, and everything that goes along with them. Then there’s Lydia Branwell - the Clave envoy ‘inspecting’ the Institute, though it seems more like she’s come to personally disapprove of everything Alec does. It doesn’t help that his parents are also under scrutiny, as former members of the Circle, something Alec discovered thanks to Lydia’s refusal to keep secrets his parents have tried so hard to bury, and it makes Alec sick to his stomach to think about. Pushing that to the back of his mind, he thinks about Valentine, what his impending will mean for everyone, Shadowhunter, Mundane and Downworlder alike. As if that wasn’t enough to contend with, Alec thinks viciously, now he has this _thing_ with Magnus. Alec’s done everything anyone’s ever asked of him, and he just gets shit on.

Balling his hands into fists, he glares up at the ceiling.

This is all Clary’s fault, not that Jace is helping. If she hadn’t dragged them to Magnus in the first place, hadn’t upturned Alec’s life and made everything awful, this wouldn’t be happening. Maybe then Jace wouldn’t be chasing her all over New York. Guilt presses down on his chest, but he ignores it. He’s found a channel for his anger that means he doesn’t have to dwell on the lingering ache in his head.

When he finally calms enough to roll over, knees pulled up to his chest, he closes his eyes and breathes out slowly.

Sleep brings the dream.

There are flashes; wolves and humans, blades and claws and teeth, blood and horror —

Alec jerks awake, the smell of death lingering. Rubbing a hand over his face, he leans back against the wall. He’s been a Shadowhunter long enough not to throw up at the sight or smell of blood, but this was something different. The slaughter of werewolves and humans alike more than enough to make nausea settle in Alec’s stomach and he doesn’t understand. He remembers images of his own face, of Izzy’s. He feels overwhelming guilty, though he doesn’t know why.

He almost reaches out for Magnus.

 

 

“I keep having dreams,” Alec says, hands cupped around a mug of coffee.

Catarina’s on the other side of the table, hands folded before her, mug of tea nestled between her arms. “Do you want to talk about them?”

Alec doesn’t. “They feel real. It’s the same dream most of the time. I’m attacking werewolves and there are other Shadowhunters there as well, but I don’t recognise their faces. We’re killing them, me and Izzy, my sister.”

The expression on Catarina’s face brings Alec up short. She’s staring at him, mouth slightly parted, but her face is ashen.

“What?”

Drawing back, Catarina plays with the rim of her mug. “Did you look up bonds?”

The abrupt change of subject startles Alec, but he nods. He doesn’t want to go into detail, but the records he read were very descriptive. “They were pretty scathing about bonds with downworlders.”

It was an understatement; they were derogatory about anyone bonding with a downworlder, and about the effects that came from bonding to a downworlder, as well as repercussions from the Clave. The records made sure to stress specifically about Warlocks, how manipulative and corrupt they could be. They spoke about Seelies, even with their inability to lie having enough charm and influence to corrupt their bonded. Bonds with werewolves were discouraged mostly for the effect the base primal instincts would have on the Shadowhunter. As far as the Clave were aware, no Vampire and Shadowhunter had ever bonded.

Shadowhunters, according to the records, were susceptible to distraction, went into detail about how many would be brainwashed, giving their Downworlder bonded leniency wherever possible. Alec can understand where they’re coming from on that particular aspect; he’s already unsure whether his emotions are his own. What if there’s a way to manipulate the bond? Would Magnus do that to him? Would Alec?

“Not surprising,” Catarina tells him, interrupting his spiralling thoughts. Her expression wry, she takes a sip of tea. “Bonds can vary in their substance. Sometimes they’re emotional, sometimes mental — and some have been known to have telepathic elements.” She pauses. “More still have a physical element.”

Alec takes a gulp of coffee. Ignoring the last part, he scratches the back of his head. “What about mine — ours?”

“From what I’ve been able to ascertain from what you and Magnus have told me and my own experience, bonds like this develop slowly and over time. Yours is progressing much quicker than any I’ve seen.” She gestures at Alec’s head. “You can already send thoughts. Perhaps that will be the end of it, though I know that telepathy will almost certainly arise from direct thought,” Catarina admits. She sits back, looking out of the window. She practically sings with power, and though she’s a healer, Alec has no doubt the magic she wields is every bit as powerful as Magnus’. Alec’s been watching her, picking up on the small things. It’s something that’s ingrained, something he’s been doing his whole life, cataloguing things away. When Catarina meets his eyes, he sees a maelstrom of thoughts behind hers. “I think you should talk to Magnus.”

“I’m talking to you.” Alec says quickly. He doesn’t want to talk to Magnus until the bond has gone. When he tells Catarina so, she nods, though there’s a sadness in her eyes.

“So you have decided?”

“I don’t know.” Alec downs the rest of his coffee. He stays silent, knowing that he should get back to the Institute soon, but reluctant to leave. Catarina is good company, even though they haven’t really talked much beyond her stories of old, before Alec’s parents were in charge of the Institute.

“I would ask,” Catarina says at last, when the silence drags on too long. “That you speak to Magnus before you decide.”

Alec raises his eyebrows. “So that he can talk me out of it?”

Catarina finishes her own drink, sliding the cup along the table. She stands, resting a hand on Alec’s arm. “I think, perhaps, it will be the opposite.”

Alec watches her leave. Catarina’s words make sense; why would Magnus want a bond with him? He can’t imagine anyone actually jumping at the chance to keep a bond. Sometimes he doesn’t even want to be inside of his own head, so the fact that Magnus would want rid of this bond makes sense. He can’t help the small pang of sadness he feels at the thought, but brushes it off quickly. It makes sense; Alec’s never anyone’s first choice.

 

 

 

Magnus leaves his door unlocked.

Alec grits his teeth against the urge to berate him for it. It’s not his place, will never be his place, but he rings the doorbell anyway.

“I know it’s you, Alexander.” Magnus’ voice drifts through the closed door.

Alec enters the apartment, mostly familiar in ways that Alec doesn’t want to think about, though the interior has changed - colours and design completely different from what Alec remembers. When he rounds the corner into the living room, he catches sight of Magnus nursing a drink. It’s water, this time, thankfully. Magnus is lounging in the chair by the windows, staring out over the city. It’s an impressive view, but Alec’s got too much on his mind to enjoy it.

“Catarina said I should talk to you.”

Magnus turns to look over his shoulder. “Did she?”

Alec perches on the back of the couch, facing the balcony. Brooklyn stretches out below them and Alec has to admit that the sight is breathtaking. “Do you want this bond?”

Putting his glass on the coffee table, Magnus shifts round, leaning back in the chair so that he can get a better look at Alec. “Do you?”

“Stop doing that!” Alec stands, letting anger wash away any confusion Why can’t Magnus make this about himself for once? “It’s not about me!”

“Of course it is.” Magnus looks tired and sad, making some of Alec’s anger dissipate. “The best thing is to get rid of this, and I know you know that.”

Alec wants to argue that maybe he doesn’t know that, but the worst part of this is that he _does_. Everything he knows about bonds, whatever he’s managed to glean from old reports and tales, tells him that this bond is nothing good. The decision feels settled, as far as he can tell, but he’s not entirely sure he wants it to be. Ignoring the weight of the bond, Alec thinks about Catarina’s face in the coffee shop. “Have you been — I’ve been having dreams, and something Catarina said, or didn’t say, made me want—”

“Alec,” Magnus says, halting Alec’s rambling. He’s frowning. “What kind of dreams?”

“Vivid.” Alec shakes his head. He’s not sure what makes him tell Magnus, or why he’s listening to what Catarina has to say, but perhaps the dreams are relevant to the bond. Everything that has Alec in turmoil lately is either Clary or Magnus related right now and he’s fairly sure Clary isn’t responsible. “I’m in this house with Izzy and a bunch of other Shadowhunters. We’re fighting werewolves, but I — never mind.”

It sounds stupid out loud, like it did back in the coffee shop, but something about the way Magnus is looking at him is wrong. That look is enough to confirm Alec’s suspicions that whatever this dream is, it’s important. Magnus swallows, presses his hands to the arms of the chair. “Werewolves? Is Luke there?”

“He’s not a werewolf,” Alec admits. That’s the weird part. “He’s with me and Izzy. Except I’m not me, I’m looking _at_ me fighting everyone.”

“Impossible,” Magnus mutters, standing up from his chair. He looks panicked, hands working as he crosses the room, eyes tracking nothing.

“Magnus.” Alec stands, awkward, wanting to do something but not sure what. “Catarina reacted like this. What’s the matter? What does the dream mean?”

When Magnus meets Alec’s gaze, the amount of guilt and horror in Magnus’ eyes sets off alarm bells in the back of Alec’s head. “I think our bond might be more than just emotional.”

Alec shakes his head immediately, a, “no,” on his lips.

“That wasn’t a dream, Alexander.” Something in Magnus deflates and for one horrifying second, he looks every bit his four centuries. “That was a memory — my memory.”

It doesn’t make sense. “It can’t be a memory if Izzy and I are there. Unless you can somehow see the future?”

Clenching his hands into fists, Magnus stands in the middle of the room, exuding the power Alec’s seen more than once. “It’s not you and Izzy.”

Alec makes the connection before Magnus can say anything more. “My parents.”

Magnus doesn’t nod, doesn’t confirm. He’s staring right at Alec, eyes distant. It makes something crawl up Alec’s spine, leaves him cold. “You already know they were Circle members.”

Alec’s been trying to forget, to deal with what that means for him, and Izzy and Max. He opens his mouth to say something, but Magnus is already talking, staring off at a point over Alec’s left shoulder.

“The Whitelaws used to run the New York Institute before your parents. They interceded when the Circle attempted to kill a werewolf family — including children. Your father killed Rachel Whitelaw, a mere child, because she protected me.”

“No,” Alec says again, meaning it with a conviction that surprises him. “That’s not — it’s not true.”

Magnus lets out a laugh that’s more self-deprecation than humour. “I was there, Alec. I saw the Circle kill a family of Shadowhunters and werewolves for daring to stand up to them, and those werewolves had done nothing wrong.”

“My parents—”

“Were as complicit as anyone else. They killed innocents, Alec, and I—”

“You’re wrong!” Alec yells, pushing past Magnus, desperate to get away from this, from Magnus. He was wrong. “Whatever this is, it’s not true.”

Magnus follows him, puts a hand on the door as Alec yanks it open. There’s something vicious in his eyes, something triumphant to be saying this, to be _lying_. “Believe what you like about the bond, Alec, but the massacre happened — and your parents were there.”

“Move out of my way,” Alec snarls, because he needs to leave. His emotions are a mess; sadness and desperation, and Anger, so much anger. With a snarl, he _shoves_ and Magnus must feel it, because he actually stumbles back a step, towards the wall. Alec doesn’t stop to think about what he’s done, what he’s going to do, just stalks out of Magnus’ apartment and jogs down the stairs, needing to get the hell away from Magnus and whatever this bond is doing to them.

It can’t be true.

 

 

Alec dreams again that night; it’s the same dream, only more vivid than the last time.

When he wakes, he sends a text to Luke asking to meet. If Magnus is lying, there’s only one way to know for sure.

 

 

 

The Jade Wolf is crowded with Werewolves as usual, but Alec walks in with no trouble. The Second, Alaric, gives Alec a nod as he passes on his way out. Luke’s in one of the booths talking to a young woman. Alec thinks her name is Maia, though he’s not had time to learn who everyone in Luke’s pack is yet.

“Alec,” Luke says, catching his eyes over the woman’s head. She says something low to Luke that Alec can’t hear, then vacates the booth, disappearing out back. “Have a seat.”

Alec slides his quiver off and puts it and his bow on the bench before sliding in next to them. “I wanted to ask you a question.”

Luke rests his folded hands on the table, smiling. He’s always smiling, Alec thinks — except in the dream. “Shoot.”

“Magnus told me something and I — I want to know if it’s true.” Alec pauses, but Luke waits him out. “It’s about my parents. I know they were part of the Circle, but there’s something else.”

Looking somber, Luke nods. “Tell me, though I don’t think Magnus will have lied to you.”

Alec feels his stomach drop, digs his nails into the palms of his hands. He closes his eyes, thinks of the dead girl’s eyes and feels sick all over again. “There was a family of Shadowhunters—”

He opens his eyes to see Luke staring right back, face betraying every emotion. Guilt, remorse, anger and fear. The last, Alec doesn’t think are directed at him.

“The Whitelaws,” Luke says.

Breath catching, Alec hardly dares ask. “How were they killed?”

It takes Luke a while to answer. Alec’s never truly considered the implications of Luke being Valentine’s _Parabatai_ until now. When he thinks about his bond with Jace, he can’t imagine what it would be like to have to harm that bond, or turn his back on his _Parabatai_ , however much it was necessary. Luke’s a Downworlder now, and maybe that makes a difference, but to blindly follow someone like Valentine —

“The Circle — we,” Luke amends, looking shamed but determined. “We were told that some Werewolves had broken the Accords. I suspected - knew - that they hadn’t, but back then I was blinded by what I hoped Valentine was, rather than what I think I knew all along.”

“Had they?” Alec fears he knows the answer, but has to know.

“No,” Luke says. He looks calm, collected, but there’s a storm of emotions in his eyes. “Magnus was there, trying to broker peace. Protecting his city, he called it, but he was right. We had no business being in that safehouse.”

“And the Whitelaws?”

Luke shook his head. “They showed up while Magnus was trying to dissuade us from doing anything. They got between us and the werewolves. We started it; we killed the Whitelaw child, and that was the end of it.”

“A massacre,” Alec says, remembering Magnus’ words. His chest feels tight, and he fights down the nausea.

“Werewolves and Whitelaws,” Luke says, painfully. However painful he’s finding it, Alec feels viciously pleased that Luke feels guilty, even with the waves of horror and disbelief rolling over him.

“My parents?” Alec doesn’t want to know, not really, even though he can’t deny anymore that this memory is real.

Luke looks like he wants to reach out and touch Alec. Alec pulls his hands back, wants to grab his bow and arrows and find something to hit, something to kill. Luke looks resigned. “Robert - your father - killed Rachel.”

The little girl, Alec’s mind supplies. His father was — is — a murderer. He grips the edge of the table hard, feels lightheaded. Abruptly, he tries reaching out for Magnus through their bond. He doesn’t know what he’s hoping for, whether it’s emotions or thoughts or anything, but he’s so blessedly grateful when he feels something inherently Magnus in his head.

Grabbing his bow and arrows, Alec stutters out, “I have to go.”

Luke doesn’t try to stop him as he leaves.

 

 

 

Alec’s not even thinking, doesn’t know how he makes it to Magnus’ loft, but the door is open when he gets there. As soon as he crosses the threshold, he hears Magnus, who only has to take one look at his face before he’s closing the distance between them. Alec swallows. “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you.”

Magnus reaches up and fists his hands in Alec’s jacket. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Alec relishes the grounding touch and tries to get control of his emotions. Everything just feels like too much effort; thinking about his parents, not touching Magnus, the bond. He doesn’t know what to do.

“I'm sorry,” Magnus says again, pulling back a little.

“Why are you sorry?”

“I could have stopped it,” Magnus says, voice hollow. “If I hadn’t talked to the Whitelaws-”

“It would have been someone else,” Alec says, believing the words as soon as they’re out of his mouth. He presses his forehead to Magnus’, fingers sliding up into Magnus’ hair. “I need — I want to ask something of you.”

Magnus breathes out slow. “I would say anything, but I don’t—”

“Tell me.” Alec knows what he’s asking, can see it in Magnus’ eyes, but he needs this, _wants_ this. “I need to know.”

“Alec, I can’t.” Magnus closes his eyes.

“Then show me.” Alec knows he’s pushing, but this is something he can’t hide from. He’s seen too much, has felt too much.

Magnus looks at him, searches his face for something. “I don’t know if I can.”

Alec makes a soft sound in the back of his throat. He knows that Magnus is trying to protect him from this, but he can’t do that, not when Alec’s lived it. He needs to know the rest, needs to know the extent of his parents’ actions. “When I reached for you just now, you heard me. Please, Magnus. I need — I need to see what my parents did.”

“They’re not your sins, Alec.” Magnus presses a hand to Alec’s face, thumb against his cheekbone. He strokes once, twice. “You are not your parents.”

“Please,” Alec says.

Finally, after one more searching look, Magnus acquiesces. “Okay.”

 

 

 

“Magnus.” Alec feels Magnus take him in his arms, feels Magnus rest a cheek against his hair. Alec’s eyes are wet, tears on his face, and it feels like he’ll never stop. Catarina was right about their bond; it’s more than just emotional and mental, almost like telepathy. Alec’s feeling everything, from the guilt to the pain and the horror. It’s overwhelming and he still doesn’t know what to do.

His parents are murderers, and the Clave helped cover up a massacre. Everything he’d ever know has been destroyed with just one memory. What was he going to do now?

“I don’t — I don’t think I can—”

“Alec,” Magnus says, pressing a kiss to his temple. He doesn’t say anything trite, doesn’t make promises Alec doesn’t want to hear. Instead, he kisses the crown of Alec’s head, the corner of his eye. “I’m so sorry.”

He is, Alec can feel it, and it shouldn’t help, it _can’t_ help. Alec is grateful for it anyway, wraps his mind around it and pulls it close. Alec can’t help but want Magnus even closer; he reaches out for Magnus, hesitating only until he sees the assent in Magnus’ eyes and then pulls him in, burying his face in Magnus’ neck.

Magnus lets out a slow breath and puts a hand on the back of Alec’s head. It’s nice. More than nice. Alec wants so much and takes; he wraps his arms around Magnus’ shoulders and hangs on. He doesn’t know how long they sit there like that, bodies close, minds even more so, both reluctant to pull away.

The world awaits, though, and Alec has things to do; he needs to talk to his parents, he has to tell Izzy.

“What am I going to say to Izzy?” Alec asks, his voice rough.

Magnus runs a hand through the hairs at the nape of Alec’s neck, nose brushing Alec’s temple. “You’ll think of something.”

The faith Magnus has in him is startling sometimes, but it also leaves a warm feeling in Alec’s chest. Alec turns his face into Magnus’ neck and takes a breath, trying to find some of the strength that Magnus sees in him, and pulls back slowly. “I have to go. I’m sorry, I want to stay, I want to be here, but I have —”

“It’s okay,” Magnus says, over Alec’s babbling. “I’ll be here if you need me, Alec.”

Alec flushes, but nods, eyes holding Magnus’ as long as they both can stand. He takes a deep breath. “In my head too?”

It’s the first time he’s asked for it, wanted it out loud, and he can see the shock - but pleasure too - on Magnus’ face.

“If you want that.”

“I do,” Alec says, and means it.

 

 

 

Alec asks after his parents when he gets back to the Institute. Now that he’s away from Magnus, he can barely keep control of his anger. He can feel Magnus soothing it, and Alec feels respect for how much Magnus keeps himself at bay, giving only what Alec allows and backing off when Alec’s clear that he savours the anger. Navigating the minefield of this bond is taking a lot out of Alec, but he can’t help but think about what it will mean when it solidifies into something more real, and maybe permanent. Alec brushes that thought aside.

Avoiding Izzy and the others is easy. Alec’s had a lifetime of not being seen even when he wants to be, when he puts his mind to it. It’s effortless. He knows the path to the office by heart; it’s been his for a long time, and will be so again, he thinks viciously as he raps on the door.

“Enter.” It’s Robert, his voice strong, and Alec can’t help but remember flashes of Robert cutting down a child. He pushes open the door, tries not to feel sick at the smile on his mother’s face.

“Alec, good. I was going to come and find you.”

“Oh?” Alec asks, voice strained.

“You asked before what you could do to help,” his mother says, rounding the desk and coming to stand feet away. Alec’s heart feels like it’s breaking at the smile she gives him. “We have a proposition for you.”

Alec raises his eyebrows. He knows what that means; he’s been watching their political machinations for years, and if they can’t force Izzy into an arranged marriage, then he’s clearly the next best choice. “A proposition or an order?”

“We would never order you to do anything you didn’t want to do,” his father says, frowning.

Unable to hold back the snort, Alec doesn’t flinch under his mother’s stern gaze, and it’s even easier to ignore the disappointment on his father’s face. “Like you would never force Izzy to placate the Seelies? Or ask me to marry someone?”

“How could you—”

“Mother,” Alec says, voice hard. “How else could you ensure that we give honour back to the family name?”

Folding his hands, his father places them on the desk, but doesn’t say anything.

His mother purses her lips. “If we can find a good match, one that the Clave will look favourably upon, then we can clear up this mess you — and Isabelle — have made.”

No mention of Jace, Alec notes irritably, despite the fact that Clary is all his fault. Shaking it off, Alec folds his arms across his chest. “What about the mess you made?”

A horrible silence greets his words. His father looks dumbfounded and how had Alec not seen his parents truly before? A coward and the heartless; is this what he’ll turn out to be?

His father holds up a hand. “What are you talking about?”

“Alexander,” his mother says, and Alec bristles. It sounds wrong coming from her. There’s a soothing touch from Magnus, an echo of _Alexander_ in his head, and it goes some way to alleviating the anger. “Whatever you think about us being in the Circle has nothing to do with—”

“It has everything to do with this!” Alec says. He looks from his mother to his father and then back. “Being in the Circle is the last thing you have to feel guilty about, isn’t that right?”

His mother looks thunderous at his words, but his father is paling and Alec’s slim hope, the one he’s been trying so desperately to cling to, the hope that he’s wrong — evaporates.

“Alec,” his father says. “We did terrible things as part of the Circle, but we paid for those.”

“Because Lightwoods accept the consequences, right, Robert?” Alec takes vicious pleasure in the way his father reels as though he’s been slapped. His mother looks equal parts shocked and pleased, and it makes Alec feel sick. For her to feel pleased that he’s _listened to their lessons_ when neither of them have actually paid for being Circle members makes him so angry that even Magnus feels startled by it. “Though I’m not sure you actually did.”

Eyes narrowing, his mother leans her hands on the desk. “What, exactly, is it you think you know?”

“You killed a girl. A Shadowhunter. Rachel Whitelaw.”

As soon as he says her name, the temperature in the room drops. Alec doesn’t think his father could look any worse, and even his mother sags against the desk, lips so thin they’re almost white. Alec reaches for Magnus. He needs strength if he’s going to do this. His anger will only take him so far, and he’s exhausted, feels like he’s going to fall any second. Magnus is there, soothing, helping, strengthening. Alec doesn’t know why he ever thought he could get rid of this bond. It’s all that’s keeping him here in this room right now.

“The Whitelaws,” his mother says, finding her voice, which doesn’t waver, “Were protecting werewolves who broke the Accords. We were doing our duty.”

Alec can tell that she really believes that and it hurts. How can his mother be so blind to her own flaws? She’s always pointing out his — and Izzy’s — and ignores her own. Alec might even believe her had he not seen everything with his own eyes, had he not felt it. Magnus emotes so powerfully, seems to consume himself with feelings until it burns. Alec doesn’t know how he lives like that, year after decade after century, without losing anything of himself. There’s a soft, obvious silence in his head, and Alec’s distracted enough that he can’t soothe Magnus, not yet. There’s time enough for that when Alec’s not standing up against his parents, fighting to find something in them he can love.

His father is still silent, though he’s staring down at the desk, thoughtful.

Alec shakes his head. “You know that’s a lie. Father - Robert -,” and this, then, is what makes Robert look Alec in the eyes. “You killed a child. The werewolves had done nothing wrong and Valentine — and you, and everyone else in that room — knew it.”

“How can you possibly know all this?” His mother asks, though she knows, and Alec can see the moment she realises. “Luke Garroway.”

They don’t know about Magnus outside of ordering him in for Institute business and Alec is glad of it; he doesn’t want to have to explain about the bond, about his feelings. That’s not something he wants them to have a say in. That’s something that’s all his. “An Institute head should always maintain a relationship with the resident Downworlders, mother, you know that.”

His mother gives him a stern look. “There’s having a relationship that benefits the Accords, Alec, and then there’s taking them at a word that cannot be trusted.”

“Yet you trusted him once,” Alec snaps, and watches the colour drain slightly from her face. She’s not taking any responsibility, acting like it’s everyone’s fault but her own. Alec’s chest tightens. He loves his mother so much, has alway cared what she thought, but this person — this isn’t the same person who’s guided Alec throughout his life. Alec’s anger returns tenfold. She’s destroying _everything_ and she doesn’t even care. “Why shouldn’t I learn the truth?”

“How can you be sure it’s the truth?” Robert asks, finally finding his voice.

 _Because I’ve seen it with my own eyes!_ Alec has to fight to keep from blurting it out. He takes a deep, calming breath, and Magnus is back, giving him strength he doesn’t need to ask for, and permission. “He’s not the only one who knows. There was somebody else there.”

His mother — Maryse — draws herself up to her full height, though it’s still shorter than Alec. “Magnus Bane. Another Downworlder.”

She spits the word like a curse and something primal, something stronger than anything Alec feels for this woman right now rears its head. It’s a need to protect, an anger so vast it startles Alec in its intensity. “A Downworlder who has no reason to lie.”

Alec’s not stupid enough to give the bond away, even with the surge of protectiveness running through his veins. Magnus’ presence in his head is warm and pleased, and Alec will focus on that later, when he has time.

“What are you hoping to achieve with this?” Maryse asks eventually, confidently.

Alec feels sick. “I don’t know, mother. You’ve spent so long critising us for our failures, I just wanted to hear what you had to say about yours.”

Maryse and Robert share a look, quick but tense. When Maryse turns back, Alec can see that nothing’s going to change, and he wants to punch something, to scream to the heavens.

“It’s _your_ failures that are the focus right now, Alec. Whatever your father and I have done is in the past.”

Except for the fact that it’s now Alec’s future, that it’s something Alec’s going to have to deal with.

 

 

Alec wants to tell Izzy, but before he gets the chance to, there’s an attack at the Jade Wolf. Luke calls it in while Lydia’s in the command centre. Alec’s almost forgotten that he’s under review with the revelation about his parents. She seems like every other Clave representative Alec’s ever met; careful, clever, and interested in what she can do to make sure the Accords and Clave rules are adhered to.

Waving her over to one of the displays, Alec brings up the photos Luke sent to his phone. “A Forsaken just attacked the Jade Wolf. I got this from the Alpha of the New York wolf pack.”

Lydia gives him a scrutinising look. “You know him?”

Alec nods, refusing to elaborate. He swipes through the pictures Luke sent, all of them close ups of the Forsaken. “Someone should be sent to investigate.”

“Agreed,” Lydia says, studying the pictures on the screen. She frowns and then looks him up and down. “You should come with me.”

Grateful that she’s not shutting him out, Alec follows her out of the room. He still resents the fact that someone’s been sent to watch them, but he can’t deny that he’s curious — and it gives him something to focus on that isn’t his parents. He pauses long enough to grab his bow and quiver; he doesn’t know whether or not there was only one Forsaken, and he refuses to be caught unprepared.

Lydia tries to strike up a conversation with him on the way, bringing up the fact that his parents are trying to arrange a marriage, and fuck, Alec doesn’t want to have to deal with that. He steers the conversation away, thankful when Lydia takes the bait, though not without a searching look first. When they arrive, the Jade Wolf is in dissaray, Luke injured but standing strong. It’s the first time Alec’s seen him since they discussed the Whitelaws.

“Alec,” Luke says, giving him a nod.

Alec notices the apprehension in his stand, and after a calming brush from Magnus, Alec nods. “Luke. Thanks for the intel.”

Lydia demands an explanation, taking control of the situation immediately. Alec takes a moment to admire her strength. Magnus sends a burst of amusement that has Alec rolling his eyes. He crouches down next to the body of the Forsaken, studying its body, and taking pictures with his phone to give Izzy when he gets back - she’s the scientist, not him, and she’ll know things about it that he can’t understand.

Lydia and Luke start bickering about something and Alec blocks it out; he doesn’t want to deal with the antagonistic relationship between Downworlders and Shadowhunters anymore today. He just wants to do his job.

“We should take the Forsaken back to the Institute,” he hears Lydia say.

Luke disagrees, of course, but Alec waves a hand, getting their attention.

“I appreciate how you feel, Luke, but Izzy’s a pathologist — the best I know of in New York, actually, and she’ll be able to tell us everything we need to know. She’s practised on Downworlder, Demon and Shadowhunter alike.”

It’s not an exaggeration; Izzy’s always been into science, spending most of her time studying to be a pathologist. It’s not a focus that interests Alec, and he has to admit that he’s never understood her fascination with it, but she’s good, very good. It appeases Luke, and even Lydia seems to agree.

Alec’s been dealing with politics his whole life; this is what the head of an Institute is supposed to do.

 

 

 

While Izzy agrees to do the autopsy, Lydia requests that Magnus come in and help. Alec’s startled for a moment, though it dissipates quickly. He feels the smugness from Magnus, which makes him roll his eyes and grin, but he offers to set it up. He hasn’t seen Magnus since he faced his parents, and he can’t help the rush of excitement he feels at seeing him again.

Not actually sure of the time Magnus is coming, Alec decides to get some training in. He hasn’t done much since this bond started, and he could do with the stress reliever. He’s still training when he hears a polite cough from the doorway, about the same time he feels a rush of heat and something else that Alec’s unfamiliar with through the bond.

“Hello,” Magnus says, giving Alec’s body an appreciative glance.

Alec flushes, moving to the bench to grab his jacket and cover up. “Magnus. I didn’t think you’d be here so quickly.”

“All the better for me,” Magnus says, with a leer. He’s not sending anything through the bond except happiness, which confuses Alec; does Magnus want him, or doesn’t he? “I’ve met Lydia.”

“She’s a fan of yours,” Alec says. During their walk to the Jade Wolf, she’d been enthusiastic about Portal creation, and the history her ancestor had with Magnus. It’s still weird to think about, how old Magnus actually is, but Alec shoves it down. He doesn’t care; there’s so much more to Magnus that Alec wants to know.

Magnus holds out his arms. “What can I say? I’m pretty popular.”

“Are you?” Alec says, dryly, though he’s smiling in his head, something Magnus can no doubt sense.

There’s a comfortable silence and then Magnus brandishes the folder that Alec didn’t realise he was even holding. “This, I believe, goes to you. Being head of the Institute and all.”

Alec takes it, mouth quirking up into a self-deprecating smile. “I’m pretty sure that’s still my parents — or Lydia.”

Magnus just stares at him, waves of belief and trust in him rolling over Alec. Alec swallows, stares down at the report because he doesn’t know how to meet Magnus’ eyes. He’s startled by the fingers under his chin, guiding Alec’s head up. “Hey. You’re still the head of the Institute, Alec. Nobody can take that away from you. Not your parents, not Lydia.”

Alec nods, fingers itching to rest on Magnus’ hips, wanting to press forward and kiss—

Shaking it off, he nods, smiling. “Thanks. I appreciate that.”

Nothing in Magnus’ expression gives anything away, but Alec can’t help but wonder if Magnus heard those thoughts or not.

 

 

Alec feels a little lighter after Magnus’ visit and thinks that now is the best time to tell his sister everything.

Knocking on her door, he waits for her to answer, hating the smile on her face because he’s going to wipe it off. He sighs, sitting on the edge of her bed. “I need to tell you something.”

“Go ahead, _mi hermano_. I’m listening.” She’s still grinning, wiping away smudged makeup as she gets ready for whatever she’s planned on doing tonight. He’s probably going to ruin that for her too.

Once he starts talking, he can’t stop; he tells her about the dreams, about their parents, and then about the confrontation with them. Izzy listens as he explains, though her face, usually so expressive, remains impassive. He can see the doubt in her eyes and knows what he must sound like; he spent so long denying it to himself, having to find Luke to explain, that he knows what it must be like for Izzy, who’s not experienced the dreams.

“Alec,” she says, finally, fingers curling into his sleeve. She holds his gaze, the urge to believe him fighting with her common sense. “I don’t - are you sure this isn’t just the bond?”

Alec’s surprised by his anger. “What are you saying, Izzy?”

Izzy holds up her hands. “You have to know how this sounds, Alec. You’ve bonded with Magnus, and it’s possible this all just — manipulation.”

It’s nothing Alec didn’t consider himself, but he’s learned since then, and he can’t help the burst of anger, or the irriation. He knows it’s not fair to take it out on her, but he can’t help but be defensive. “That’s not what this is!”

“I’m sorry,” Izzy says, though she sounds anything but. “I just want to make sure this is _you_ , Alec, and not the bond talking.”

It hurts that she doesn’t believe him, but she’s always been about logic, a scientist at heart, and science can’t explain a bond like Alec’s. “I asked Luke.”

“These are our parents.” Izzy says it like a plea; she wants Alec to deny it, but he can’t. He doesn’t want to hurt Isabelle - or Max - but he refuses to let his parents dictate their lives any longer. He doesn’t want to be at their mercy, not with what he knows.

“I’ll prove it to you.” He reaches for her, and she curls into his body as he wraps his arms around her. He holds her close, rests his chin on the top of her head. She responds in kind, grip tight around his waist. “I’ll show you, Izzy. I don’t want there to be any more secrets.”

Izzy doesn’t say anything for a long time. Alec reaches out to Magnus, feels the steady and calm presence there to meet him. Testing how the bond works, he thinks about what he can tell her, how to prove to Izzy that this is real, that their parent are murderers.

Images of Alec in a room with his parents, Izzy and Max outside the door flash through Alec’s head. Shoving gratitude back through the bond, Alec pulls away from Izzy, brushing a lock of hair from her face.

“I’ll show you,” he says. “Bring Max to the office and I’ll get them to confess everything.”

Izzy nods, trusting Alec even if she doesn’t fully believe him. It makes something like pride thrum in his chest. He offers her a smile that she doesn’t return, but she squeezes his hand as they part.

 

 

Before he has a chance to follow through with the plan, Alec gets word from Lydia; the Clave want to make an example of Izzy and put her on trial.

Alec can’t believe what he’s hearing. “What are you talking about?”

“They’re accusing Izzy of taking the Cup from the Institute.” Lydia folds her arms. “I’m sorry, Alec.”

“We don’t even have the Cup!” Alec snaps. He hasn’t though to check in with Clary and Jace, but he knows they would have told him if they’d found it. He knows they were with Luke, trying to recover it.

Lydia’s lips purse in distaste, but Alec doesn’t know if that’s at him, or on his behalf. “The Clave doesn’t believe that. This Institute has been the focus of some distressing trends, Alec, and they want to make sure they don’t escalate. Izzy will be put on trial, and unless the Cup is presented, she’ll be found guilty.”

Alec knows what this means; if successful, the Clave will strip Izzy of her runes and banish her. Fear seizes his chest and he feels like he can’t breathe. He hates Clary in that moment, brief and angry, as he thinks about the mess she’s making with no thought to the consequences. Nothing Magnus tries helps Alec’s burning anger. “Who’s prosecuting her?”

He knows even before Lydia looks ashamed. “I am.”

Biting off a curse, Alec leaves the room before he can lose his temper. He needs to find his parents. He might not like them at the moment, might not want to suffer being in the same room as them, but this isn’t something Izzy deserves, and they should be around to help.

“They’re not here,” Raj tells him, when Alec asks. “I’m not sure if they went back to Idris, but they left not long before the announcement came through.”

If Alec needed any more proof that his parents were cowards, this is it. So willing to force their children to do what they deem best and refusing to fall into the same line. Alec’s anger threatens to simmer into something dangerous, but Magnus is there in an instant. The emotions he sends are a hot mess, but Alec appreciates the gesture and takes a few deep breaths.

He needs to find someone — a lawyer — for Izzy, someone who’s going to help her and actually manage to accomplish something. Then he needs to find Jace and Clary — this is their mess, and they’re going to help him clean it up.

 

 

 

“Do you know where the Cup is?” Alec demands, when he finds them in the training room. They share a look, confused, which just makes him angry. “The Clave are putting Izzy on trial because they think she’s put it in hiding!”

Clary looks incensed. “That’s stupid! We’ve never had it, how can they accuse her of something she hasn’t done?”

Alec bristles at her anger; how can she not see this is her fault? “Maybe because they want to set an example. They’re afraid they’re losing control of the Institute, and Izzy’s the obvious scapegoat. She doesn’t like to toe the line.”

“Alec, this is stupid, nobody knows where the Cup is!” Jace runs a hand through his hair. Alec hopes that Jace knows he’ll never be the focus; he’s the Clave’s golden child, though Alec knows Jace has never wanted that. Jace frowns. “What do Maryse and Robert—”

“They’re not here,” Alec says, ignoring the look of concern on Jace’s face. He turns back to Clary. “You need to figure out where the Cup is and get it — or Izzy’s going to be put on trial and found guilty. Do you know what happens to someone after they’re found guilty of a crime against the Clave?”

Magnus tries to send a wave of comfort over the bond, but Alec’s too afraid for Izzy to want it. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do if they don’t find the Cup, and taking his anger out on Clary isn’t fair, but it makes him feel better.

“Alec!” Jace snaps. “Leave her alone, this isn’t her fault.”

“Yes it is,” Alec says. “This is _all_ her fault. Find the Cup, Jace. If Izzy’s stripped of her runes, I’ll make sure Clary’s stripped of hers too.”

 

 

 

He feels guilty for it, later, when he’s in his room. His phone is tucked beneath his chin, Magnus’ voice on the other end, chastising him for his words. “She’s as lost as you, Alec. Her mother has been taken from her.”

“I know,” Alec says, because he does. It’s just hard to know the effect she’s having on everyone around her, on the Institute, and hard to deal with the fact that everything that’s happening is only happening because of her.

“She has made it more exciting,” Magnus says, aiming for levity. It helps that his amusement floods the bond.

Alec smiles, rolling his eyes as he drops back onto the bed. It feels awful to be so happy when Izzy’s being put on trial, when she’s facing expulsion from the only life she’s ever known. “I’ll apologise. Maybe. If they find the Cup.”

“They will,” Magnus says. He sounds more confident, _feels_ more confident, than Alec ever could.

“I need to protect her, Magnus,” Alec says quietly, closing his eyes as he does so.

There’s a brush of care and love against his mind, then, and Magnus breathes, “I know,” into the phone. It shouldn’t be comforting, it shouldn’t make a difference, but it does.

 

 

 

Izzy wants Magnus to defend her.

She’s strong, refusing to be bent by the pressure the Clave is exerting on her, and Alec’s proud of her.

Izzy rests her hands on the desk in front of her, looking determined. “He can help. There’s a loophole and he can help.”

“Magnus isn’t a lawyer,” Alec says, uselessly.

Izzy’s lips quirk up, even as Alec snorts at the brush of indignation from Magnus. “That doesn’t seem like the kind of thing that will stop him.”

“No,” Alec agrees. “I’ll ask him.”

Izzy thanks him softly, coming around the desk to lean in for a hug. Alec’s never felt so useless. He protects his siblings, saves them, and this time he might not be able to. He buries his face in Izzy’s hair, trying to stay strong for her.

 

 

Magnus is waiting when Alec steps into his apartment. He knows what Alec’s come to ask of him; they’re getting better at sending images, and Alec managed to convey what he wanted to. He’s tried words, but it hadn’t worked.

“Will you help her?” Alec asks, nervous despite the fact that Magnus is calming him, even now. “I know you usually ask for payment, and I—”

“Alec,” Magnus says, resting his hands on Alec’s arms. “This isn’t a situation that demands payment.”

Alec knows that Warlocks live and die by the money they make through their work, and knows what it means that Magnus is willing to forgo payment for this. His heart feels fit to burst, and he doesn’t know how to begin thanking Magnus. “Why are you doing this?”

Magnus doesn’t say anything, his face unbearably close to Alec’s. Alec’s afraid that if he breathes too loud, he’ll break the spell, and everything will change. Magnus smiles, soft and slow. “Because you asked me to.”

Alec’s not sure how to respond, fumbles to hold onto Magnus’ wrists with his hands. He pulls Magnus in a little more, resting his forehead against Magnus’. “Thank you.”

“Thank me after I win,” Magnus says, but there’s warmth and happiness in his tone.

 

 

The trial is long and arduous, and though Alec’s scared for Izzy, he can’t help but admire both Lydia and Magnus for the way they handle their respective sides. It’s a mess; witnesses are called, the Inquisitor presides with an iron fist, and even when it seems like Izzy is losing, is going to be taken away from Alec, Magnus sweeps in and says something scathing that has Alec laughing through the bond, and hiding a grin behind his hand.

Alec can’t stop watching him, uncomfortable with the amount of time Magnus spends shutting down part of the bond, but he understands. It’s distracting at the best of times, and he wants Magnus focused on helping Izzy.

When Magnus puts Lydia on the stand, Alec watches him take apart her prosecution bit by bit, until she’s withdrawing the charges. Alec’s in awe. He knows what this feeling is, bursting in his chest, even through the fear and anger. It’s startling and scary in equal measure, but he doesn’t have time to dwell on it.

Izzy smiles, pulling Magnus into a hug. Magnus looks all too pleased with himself, and when he meets Alec’s eyes, Alec feels a thrill up his spine. He’s glad their bond is walled so that Magnus can’t read the thoughts currently in his head, thoughts he’s not even sure he understands. He’s so happy he doesn’t know how to react. He wants to throw his arms around Magnus, wants to bring him and kiss him and —

“If you think,” Imogen shouts, above the screaming in the hall, “That this lets Isabelle off the hook, you are sorely mistaken.”

Alec has barely enough time to get angry, before the hall doors are thrown open and Clary bursts in, Jace and Simon on her heels, Cup in her hand.

 

 

It should be surprising how quickly the Clave are willing to drop the charges once they have the Cup in their possession, but Alec’s finding himself less and less surprised with the disappointment. His life is changing, and while he’s struggling to find his footing in this new world, he’s trying to be the same person he always was. Someone, Magnus assures him through their bond, he should be proud of.

Alec finds Clary in her room after the Inquisitor has left for Idris, Cup securely locked up with Lydia. Alec’s positive she’ll be taking it back with her, though he’s not going to ask.

Clary lets him in, expression wary as he stands awkwardly in the doorway.

“I wanted to apologise,” Alec says, hands in his pockets. “What I said was wrong.”

“It’s okay,” Clary says, quietly. “I would have been scared too.”

Alec’s first instinct is to deny it, but he _was_. He doesn’t want to think about it anymore, though, and nods. “Thank you. For finding the Cup.”

“I thought it would help with my mother.” Clary shrugs. “Now I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“We’ll save her,” Alec says, certain. “Wherever she’s being held, we’ll find her.”

He knows he can’t really promise her that; they don’t know where Valentine is keeping her, but he’s confident they can, no matter what.

“Thanks, Alec.” Clary says, smiling.

Alec _really_ doesn’t want to like her. He ignores the chuckle Magnus leaves in his head.

 

 

Alec’s parents come back from Idris not a day later. As soon as he finds out, Alec knows he has to confront them and soon. Having nothing to do with Izzy during her trial has proved, if nothing else, that Alec’s parents don’t — and have never — cared about their children beyond what they bring to the Lightwood name. Alec’s only sorry he didn’t notice it before.

 

 

_**I don’t think I can do this.** _

Alec doesn’t even know if it’s going to work. Thinking images and emotions at Magnus has produced the best results so far, but he hasn’t tried actively talking to Magnus. There’s a flare of surprise through the bond, and then Magnus says, _**Alec?**_

 _ **You can hear me?**_ Alec holds his breath, sliding down the wall until he’s sitting, knees pulled up to his chest.

There’s a pause, a feeling of amusement. **_Of course, darling._ **

Alec flushes at the endearment, though he’s grinning. It feels — it’s invasive, he knows, to have someone talking to him in his head, but it also feels amazing, exhilarating. **_This is amazing._**

 ** _Something tells me_** , Magnus says, with more amusement, **_that Catarina will find this development interesting._**

 ** _You don’t_**?

Magnus doesn’t reply for a moment, but Alec’s not worried. Magnus isn’t hiding from him; his emotions are like bright flares of colour against the back of Alec’s eyelids. **_You’re always interesting to me. The bond is just a delightful side effect._ **

Alec doesn’t think of their bond in quite that way, but Magnus always seems to take everything in stride, to be so cool and collected.

 ** _Not always, Alec._** Magnus’ tone is buried in pain that Alec gets mere glimpses of before they vanish behind a wall in Magnus’s head that Alec doesn’t want to get through. He’s learning how to hide some of his own thoughts from Magnus. They have to have some secrets, though Alec hopes, wants, to be able to tell Magnus in the future everything that he’s keeping locked away. It’s all so new. Exciting, but new.

 ** _I’m worried_** , Alec admits. He stares down at his hands. He worries that his parents won’t admit to their faults, that Izzy will think he’s crazy.

A blanket of warmth presses around Alec’s head. **_That won’t happen. You know your sister better than anyone; she loves logic, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel — she knows it’s true, she just doesn’t want to believe it._**

It’s nothing Alec hasn’t already thought, but to hear Magnus say it makes it marginally better. Perhaps if Izzy hears it from their parents, finds out what they’re really like, Alec will have someone else on his side. He can’t even entertain the idea of telling Jace without Izzy; he loves his __Parabatai__ with an overwhelming intensity sometimes, and he’s scared to think about Jace refusing to believe him. He needs Izzy.

There’s a knock on his door and Alec startles, shoving a wave of gratitude and apology at Magnus before climbing to his feet. Izzy’s on the other side, one arm around Max. He sees the worry and apprehension on her face, though it’s Max who speaks first.

“What’s going on, Alec?”

Alec crouches down to be on Max’s eye level and gives him a soft smile. “I need to talk to mother and father, okay? Things might get — you need to hear it and be strong, okay?”

Max looks confused, but he’s every bit a Lightwood and nods, trusting that Alec knows what he’s talking about. Alec’s not entirely sure he does, but refuses to let it show on his face. Alec meets Izzy’s eyes over the top of Max’s head and offers her the same tentative smile. She returns it, albeit tightly, and Alec knows it’s time. His chest feels tight, his heart pounding in a way that feels too fast.

 ** _It will be fine_** , Magnus says again, voice soothing and calm.

Alec lets out a breath and then stands. “Wait outside, okay? I’m sorry, Izzy.”

For the first time, Izzy looks angry. “Whatever this is, it’s not your fault! That much I do know.”

He holds onto that the entire way to their parents office.

 

 

Alec’s always been about his family, protecting them, making sure they’re safe, helping them. It feels wrong to be hurting Izzy and Max - because by doing this it’s inevitable - but also to be facing down his parents, knowing that he’s going to walk out of this room separating himself from them. It hurts and he’s still not sure he can do this, even with Magnus sending comfort and belief and trust. His unwavering faith makes Alec feel unworthy; he can’t live up to how Magnus sees him, how could he?

Ignoring Magnus’ indignation on his behalf, he sends one last apologetic look at Izzy and Max before opening the door.

His mother and father are arguing, their harsh words cutting off abruptly when he walks in. He leaves the door open only enough that Max and Izzy can hear what’s going on, making sure his parents can’t see them outside.

“Alexander,” Maryse says, eyes hard. Alec hates the way it sounds coming out of her mouth.

 _ **Be strong, Alexander.**_ The sound of Magnus’ voice helps, the way he says Alec’s name so much more intimate and caring.

“Maryse.” He can’t call her mother to her face, though it’s hard to stop thinking of her that way in his head. He watches something like horror flash in her eyes before it’s gone. It makes him falter slightly, but he only has to think about Izzy and Max and how much influence his parents still have over them to spur him on. “You have to tell Izzy and Max.”

Their reactions are immediate; Maryse looks belligerent, unyielding, while Robert goes white. Alec’s beginning to realise that their family dynamic has been screwed up for a long time; how could he not have noticed how weak his father is? Or how much control his mother has over his father?

“Tell them what?” His mother folds her arms across her chest. Of course she’s not going to make this easy for him.

Drawing himself up to his full height, Alec mimics her pose, pulling on every instinct he has as a Shadowhunter and as acting head of the Institute, to look as intimidating as he can. It’s something he learnt from her, after all, and what better way for him to get back at her than to use her own lessons against her? He doesn’t expect it to work, but he needs to feel like he’s in at least some control here. “Magnus can show them if you don’t.”

Maryse doesn’t bat an eyelash, but Alec sees Robert falter. It’s a lie; Alec hasn’t even discussed it with Magnus, and he’s not sure it’s possible, not without a bond, but he needs them to believe he can. He needs them to admit everything where Izzy and Max can hear and this is his only play.

“Alec —” His mother cuts herself off, studying his face. She’s always been the best at reading him, but Alec’s hidden so many things from her his whole life. He’s angry and it gives him added incentive not to show his hand.

Robert leans against the desk, frowning down at the mahogany as though it can throw up the answer.

Alec stares at him. “Magnus can show them and they’ll see it themselves. You can spare them that if you tell the truth.”

“It’s impossible,” Robert says, eyes haunted as he looks up at Alec. “There’s no way magic can do that.”

His father isn’t wrong, but Alec can still read the uncertainty in his words, the apprehension in his body language.

“Besides,” his mother adds, waving a hand. “Nobody would believe it; not only is he a Downworlder, but he has incentive to make people believe his side of the story.”

The door to the study bangs open, and Alec looks back over his shoulder to see Izzy framed in the doorway, her hands on Max’s shoulders. Izzy looks furious, intimidating and startling in her intensity. Max looks confused.

“What Alec’s saying is true?” Izzy asks, her voice devoid of emotion.

Alec feels like he can’t breathe; he doesn’t want to hurt Izzy any more, even though he needs her to believe him. “Izzy—”

“Answer me.”

Their father takes a step back from the desk. “Isabelle—”

“Robert.” His mother’s voice is sharp, warning, but Alec can see that she’s not going to get through. Whatever they feel for each other can’t fight with the love their father has always had for Izzy. Alec’s never been jealous or angry; his mother’s always favoured him, even when it leaves a bad taste in his mouth.

“I never wanted to hurt you, Isabelle.” Alec’s father — Robert — refuses to look at his wife.

“Nothing happened,” Maryse says, striding over to the desk. She gives Robert a warning look and Alec growls low in his throat.

“Tell them.”

Izzy is looking at Robert, her eyes shining, though her defiance doesn’t diminish. Max looks between them all, confused and uncertain, and Alec wants to go to him, to help, but he needs this to happen. He needs Max to hear what their parents are really like. It’s the only way he can protect him.

“Max isn’t much younger than Rachel,” Alec says slowly, and that gets their attention. Robert swallows visibly and there’s a crack in Maryse’s armour. “How would you feel if it was him?”

“What’s going on, Alec?” Max asks, his voice wavering.

Alec looks pointedly at his parents, neither of whom seem willing to talk. When it seems like the silence will go on forever, Robert seems to cave, sinking into the chair behind the desk. Though she remains standing, there’s something defeated about the way Maryse looks at all of her children, though Alec can see in her eyes that she’s still not sorry.

“When we were part of the Circle, we did things,” Robert says, slowly. He avoids looking at any of his children. “I never wanted to upset any of you with it, I just wanted—”

“What sorts of things?” Izzy asks, though Alec’s explained it to her.

“The Circle?” Max asks on the heel of Izzy’s question. He tips his head back to look up at Izzy. “They’re the bad guys.”

“Yeah, Max,” Alec says softly. “They’re the bad guys.”

Max looks at his parents in shock and horror. For the first time, Maryse looks upset.

Robert opens his mouth again, this time starting to talk about the Whitelaws. Alec listens avidly, needing them to reveal everything, but his father glosses over the important parts, distancing himself — and Maryse — from any fault.

Izzy looks sick, one hand pressed to her mouth. Alec’s not told her about Rachel — he wants that to come from his parents, though neither of them seem inclined to bring that up. Max doesn’t understand, Alec knows, but he’s listening.

“You’re not supposed to lie to make it okay for them to hear!” Alec snaps, when his father starts to tail off. “You killed a girl Max’s age and you’re not even man enough to admit to it!”

“Alexander,” his mother snaps, but Alec’s done backing down from them.

“No.” Alec draws on strength from Magnus who offers it freely. “You owe it to them to tell them why we have to clean up your mess! Why we have to fix what you broke!”

“This is nothing we did, Alec,” his mother lies.

“There was a family,” Robert says, looking exhausted.

Alec feels angry, worn down. Magnus soothes him, _**I’m proud of you**_ echoing inside of Alec’s head, even as Robert talks about the Whitelaws, about what they did. It’s horrible to hear, but his father doesn’t lie, doesn’t omit anything. He tells the truth and it’s like a weight disappears from Alec’s shoulders. It’s his mother, though, who refuses to waver.

“We did what had to be done,” she says, when Robert’s finished talking.

Alec’s disgusted, can’t believe he ever cared what she thought. He’s shaking, but it’s from fury, done with trying to achieve the impossible and be what they need him to be; he can’t be that, he can’t absolve them of their guilt from this — and he doesn’t want to. “Nothing we do will ever be good enough for you, because you’re trying to erase your guilt. That guilt won’t ever go away.”

The rage that’s been building inside of him since Magnus shared the memory has nowhere to go but out. Alec wants to shake them, to make them see what they’ve turned their children into because the mistakes they’ve made are so momentous.

“You didn’t even pay for those crimes,” Izzy says, managing to sound small and strong all at once. “You stood by while I was put on trial for something I didn’t even do — a trial which you couldn’t even attend — and you never even had one for killing a child!”

“Izzy-”

“No,” Izzy says, staring Robert down. “I could have been stripped of my runes, do you understand that? Everything I am could have been taken away from me and you didn’t even care!”

Max is crying, half turned into Izzy’s stomach, his fingers clutching at her jacket. It’s awful, Alec’s heart seizes, but Izzy’s already picking him up, tucking his head under his chin. “I’m done.”

Maryse looks dangerous, even now refusing to acknowledge what she’s done or the damage that’s following her. “Isabelle Lightwood—”

“Give it up, mother,” Izzy says, her mouth curved up into a nasty smile. “We’re done, Max, Alec and me. We don’t want anything more to do with you.”

She doesn’t wait for either of them to reply, stalking out of the room. Maryse takes a step towards them, “If she thinks she can,” dying on her tongue as Alec stands between her and the door, letting the fury show on his face.

“You have no proof,” Maryse says, nothing maternal in the way she looks at Alec. It hurts, but he shoves it aside. “Your Warlock can’t share what he knows with the Clave and expect them to believe him. Nothing that happens here will matter. Max will be coming back to Idris.”

“He won’t,” Alec says, his voice a promise and a warning. “We’ll find the proof we need, somehow.”

His mother says nothing, though the look on her face is equal parts defiance and pride. “What a man you’ve grown into, Alec.”

“No thanks to you.” Alec looks at his father, then back to his mother. “Max is staying here. Try and take him back to Idris, and you’ll see just what kind of leader you’ve turned me into.”

It’s a threat, and Maryse knows it. She purses her lips, but Alec doesn’t want to hear what she has to say. He turns on his heel, stalking out of the office. He makes it as far as the end of the corridor before he has to lean against the wall, throat thick and tears welling in his eyes.

Magnus is there in an instant, his mind folding over Alec’s in a comforting embrace. Where Alec may have fallen apart, he lets Magnus block out the world, sinking into their bond, if just for a second.

 

 

There’s one more person that Alec has to tell.

Jace is one of two places lately; in the training room, or with Clary. It’s the former today, beating the crap out of a punching bag. Alec takes a while to move into the room, worried about Jace’s reaction. He was accepting of the bond — as much as Izzy — though neither of them have made their doubts about it subtle. Still, this is something different. This is — Maryse and Robert took Jace in and they’re as good as his parents. Taking that away from Jace feels like a betrayal.

“Jace?”

Throwing one more punch, Jace rolls his shoulders and then looks back over his shoulder, giving Alec a smile. “Hey. What’s up?”

Alec takes a deep breath. **_How am I supposed to do this?_**

Magnus is instantly soothing. Alec knows he’s busy during the day, and doesn’t know why he takes the time to instantly be where Alec needs him. **_Carefully. He’ll trust you. You’re _ _Parabatai__._**

“I have to tell you something,” Alec says finally.

Jace snorts. “It’s not about Magnus is it? Because no offence, Alec, but I don’t want to know about your sex—”

“No, we’re not even, it’s not about _that_!” Alec says quickly, feeling the flush heat up his face. He doesn’t want to think about that. “Uh, it’s about mot — Maryse and Robert.”

Jace frowns, something wary in his expression. “What?”

Alec moves to one of the benches, sitting down slowly, rubbing his face with his hands. “This whole bond thing with Magnus is weird.”

“You’re telling me,” Jace quips, though he comes to sit next to Alec.

“I had a dream. It was — weirdly vivid and real. It was —” Alec cuts himself off, the memories as stark as they always are, and he sighs. “Mother and Father were there and they —”

“Alec?” Jace shifts, facing Alec properly. “What is it?”

“When they were part of the Circle, they murdered people.”

Jace is silent for a very long time. Alec watches his face, sees the same emotions flicker across his face that Alec felt back then. Disbelief, anger, fear. “No, there has to be something-”

“I’m not lying,” Alec snaps, tired of being doubted at every turn. Is he so different now that he has this bond that everyone questions what he says?

“Alec.” Jace slides closer, the side of his body hot where it presses to Alec’s. “I don’t think you’re lying. It’s just. Robert and Maryse.”

Some of his anger subsiding, Alec lets out a hollow laugh. “I don’t even know what to do. I thought - Izzy and Max were there when I confronted them. I wanted you there but it didn’t feel - I don’t know why I didn’t ask you to be there.”

“I haven’t exactly been supportive of you since Clary came.” Jace admits quietly, looking angry with himself. Alec wants to confront him, but he can’t help but agree with it. Jace _has_ been neglecting him, but there’s been a lot going on. “What did they say?”

“They admitted it. They had no remorse. It’s like they don’t see anything wrong with what they’ve done!” Alec says, unable to help the hysterical smile he gives Jace. “I sent our parents to Idris.”

Jace doesn’t laugh, or smile. He shifts on the bench, throws a leg over so he’s straddling it and can rest a hand on Alec’s shoulder. Alec half-turns, faces Jace as best he’s able. “They don’t deserve to be here. We’ll sort this, Alec. You and me — and Izzy, Clary and Magnus. Even Simon. We’ll all get through this together, okay?”

At the mention of Magnus’ name, Alec reaches out for him, feels a distracted brush against his own mind. It’s enough. “Yeah. Thanks.”

“Don’t thank me,” Jace says. “It’s what __Parabatai__ are for, isn’t it?”

Alec wants the hug even before Jace pulls him in for one, his arms around Alec’s shoulders. Alec lets out a slow breath. “Yeah.”

 

 

 

Alec doesn’t want to stay at the Institute that night, and waits only long enough to check that Max and Izzy are together and okay, before telling them he’s going to see Magnus.

Max is in Izzy’s bed, eyes red-rimmed and face blotchy, but he’s sleeping, face slack. Izzy brushes a hand through his hair and then steps away from the bed, a hand on Alec’s elbow as she guides him to the door.

“I’m sorry I didn’t believe you,” she says, looking up at him.

Shaking his head, Alec wraps his arms around her neck, pulls her in for a hug. She presses into it, hiding her face in his chest. It feels not unlike before the confrontation with their parents, but this time he feels like they have so many more options.

“What are we going to do?” Izzy’s voice is barely above a whisper.

Alec kisses the top of her head, closing his eyes. “I promise we’ll find a way out of this.”

Izzy pulls away, her eyes bright when she smiles. “Go find Magnus.” Her mouth quirks up in a mischievous smile, the first real one he’s seen on her face in what feels like forever. “I’m sure he’ll take your mind off of everything.”

Alec flushes, rolling his eyes. “Whatever. Make sure you call Clary, okay?”

Izzy nods, though she looks at him with judgement. Alec ignores it; he’s going to have Magnus and he wants Izzy to have someone too. “I love you, big brother.”

“I love you too,” Alec replies, without pause.

She turns back to Max, so he leaves.

 ** _I’m coming to you_** , Alec sends across the bond, feeling the pleasure and happiness from Magnus, though he doesn’t say anything. Alec makes his way out the back, not that he thinks anyone would stop him, and smiles to himself when he sees the portal shimmering in the woods. Magnus feels pleased with himself, and Alec visualises Magnus’ apartment as he steps through, grinning when he catches sight of Magnus, leaning against the counter.

“Thank you,” Alec says quietly, sliding onto one of the stools across from Magnus. A wave of a hand and a drink appears on the counter before him. The rebuke dies on his tongue when he looks up, catching sight of the expression on Magnus’ face.

“I’m proud of you, Alexander,” Magnus says softly, voice hitching on Alec’s name. Alec feels his cheeks heat up but he nods, reaching across the counter to curl his fingers against Magnus’.

“I couldn’t have done it without you.”

Magnus gives him a knowing look. “Yes, you could have. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for, Alec.”

Swallowing down the urge to deny it, Alec stares at their joined hands, feels Magnus’ presence in his mind. He’s more at home here, with Magnus, than he’s ever felt anywhere.

 

 

Lydia, who’s still around the Institute despite the fact that the Clave have decided to hand the Institute back to Alec, something Alec doesn’t want to read into too much, agrees to speak to him.

Telling Jace and Izzy about his parents was one thing, but to have to tell Lydia, someone who he likes well enough, but who has less of a reason to trust him than anyone else, is something else entirely. Though, perhaps, being the person who told him in the first place, she might know more than she’s let on.

“Do you know what my parents did while part of the Circle?”

Lydia takes a moment to answer, arms crossed over her chest. “There are reports, of course. I’m not sure what you were hoping I know?”

Alec sighs, rubbing the back of his head. “Do you know about the Whitelaws?”

Instantly, Alec knows she does; everything about her expression gives it away. She swallows. “What about them?”

Alec treads carefully; Lydia’s every bit Clave. “How they really died?”

Lydia straightens, and Alec can physically see the role of Clave representative fall over her like a blanket. “They were killed by werewolves.”

“No,” Alec says, drawing himself up to his full height. He’s getting used to it, refusing to make himself smaller where he wouldn’t have hesitated to do so before. “They were killed by Shadowhunters — the Circle.”

“That is wild conjecture,” Lydia says, shaking her head.

“Magnus Bane doesn’t think so,” Alec says.

At the mention of the Warlock, Lydia startles. “What are you talking about?”

“You knew there was rumour,” Alec tells her. “I saw it on your face. There’s a connection between your ancestor and Magnus; please, Lydia. He was there that night.”

“Nobody believes him,” Lydia says, frowning. Alec can see her working it out.

Alec snorts. “Why would they? He's a Downworlder.”

Lydia frowns. “I don’t know what you want from me, Alec. I’m here from the _Clave_. I don’t know what you think I can do.”

Alec doesn’t either. Perhaps this was a mistake. He doesn’t know — he shouldn’t have come. “I’m sorry, Lydia. This was a mistake.”

Before he leaves the room, Lydia calls out his name. Looking back, he sees her watching him, apprehension clear in her expression. “If there’s proof, it will be in Idris. If I can find it, if I _believe_ you, what are you going to do?”

Alec doesn’t know. He says so, unsure why he admits to such a weakness. He should have a plan, he _needs_ one, but he can’t tell Lydia that he wants to hear what Magnus wants to say.

“Okay,” Lydia says eventually. “I’ll accompany your parents back to Idris — and I’ll see what I can do.”

The gratitude makes Alec nod jerkily, relief flooding his body. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet,” Lydia says. Though before Alec closes the door shut between them, he hears a, “You’re welcome.”

 

 

Jace and Clary get a lead on where Jocelyn might be, so Alec sends them off with help. He decides to train with Hodge. While exhausting, Alec’s used to it, and it’s a great stress reliever, something he needs right now. It’s been years, and even when Alec thinks he knows all of Hodge’s moves, he’s surprised — and finds his back on the mat.

The third time, it knocks Alec’s breath from him so suddenly, that he feels Magnus panic. “I’m okay.”

He realises Magnus can’t hear him, and repeats it in his head. He feels Magnus’ embarrassment at panicking for no reason, but Alec grins, both inside his head and out.

“Alec?”

Alec blinks, focusing back on Hodge, who’s hovering above him.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, it’s just Magnus. He felt me through the bond.” Alec says it without thinking, still distracted by Magnus’ amusement and banter. He’s so comfortable with Izzy, Jace and Clary that he’s used to talking about it without worry. When Alec realises what he’s said, he panics, eyes wide. “Uh.”

“Bond?” Hodge’s eyes widen as he holds a hand out to help Alec up. Alec takes it, panicking some more, enough that Magnus prods at him. Ignoring him, Alec meets Hodge’s gaze warily.

“You’re not surprised,” Alec says with a frown.

“There have been bonds before, Alec,” Hodge says a little too casually. Alec’s not sure what he expected, but it’s not such outright acceptance. Then again, Hodge has known him since he was a kid, has been there for Alec in tough times.

“I just thought it wouldn’t be—”

“It’s not something you should spread around,” Hodge agrees. He looks like he wants to say something else, but before he can, the door flies open. Startled, Alec takes a moment to react to the Forsaken bursting into the room. Hodge reacts quickly, grabbing a staff and swinging it, landing a direct blow.

Alec prefers his bow and arrows, but he’s not averse to hand to hand, and uses it now. Every time Hodge lands a hit on the Forsaken, Alec is there to meet it as it spins. There’s a low buzz of adrenaline as Alec dodges, throws punches, though he makes mistakes when he’s hand to hand with Hodge — with the Forsaken’s weapon swinging wildly, it’s even worse. Alec takes too long to get out of the way, and he feels the club come down hard onto Alec’s arm.

Alec yells, pain racing up his arm and this time there’s no mistaking the panic and anger from Magnus.

**_What’s going on?_ **

**_I’m okay_** , Alec manages, as he watches Hodge land blow after blow, finally getting a good enough grip that he can break the Forsaken’s neck. **_We were attacked_.**

 ** _I’m coming_**. Magnus puts up a block on the bond then, deliberately shutting Alec out so that he can’t fight back.

Alec doesn’t bother; even if he could, it feels good to have someone who cares enough to be there for him.

Speaking of which, he’s not looking forward to Izzy and Jace finding out about this.

 

 

 

There’s a knock on Alec’s door in the middle of the night.

He groans as he rolls over, the pain in his arm almost overwhelming. Magnus healed the wound itself, but admitted softly that he couldn’t take away all of the pain, or the ache as it mended completely. Staying long enough to make sure that Alec was safe in bed, Magnus left with a soft brush of lips to Alec’s forehead. Alec wanted him to stay, so he’s already irritable, without being woken up far before he needs to be awake. When he finally reaches the door and pulls it open, he’s surprised to see Izzy and Lydia on the other side, both of them wearing grins.

“Do you know what time it is?” Alec grunts, turning away from them. He makes for the bed, dropping down onto it face first, mindful of his arm.

“How’s your arm?” Izzy asks, running a hand over his elbow.

Alec makes a noise which he hopes conveys the correct amount of pain. She pats his forearm. “Turn over, big brother, you’re going to want to read this.”

When Alec peers out at them, he sees Lydia holding a folder in her hands. Her eyes twinkle with mirth as she hands it to him.

Shaking off the last vestiges of sleep, Alec sits up, taking the folder with his good arm. “Is that what I think it is?”

“It was extremely hard to get a hold of,” Lydia tells him, though she still looks pleased. Alec’s been worried about her, knowing how dangerous it is for her to be snooping around Idris with everything that’s been going on, but she’s clearly been successful.

Alec flips open the folder, unsure if he actually wants to read the report. Sensing the shift in his mood, Izzy places a hand on his arm.

“It’s okay, Alec. It’s nothing you didn’t already know.”

Before he starts to read, Alec erects a wall between Magnus’ sleeping thoughts and his own. He doesn’t want whatever he reads in this to affect him so much that he wakes Magnus. The report lists everything in clean, direct detail, so very Clave, and Alec’s disgusted with it. The way they list the injuries and wounds, the death blows, how can they have looked at this and blamed werewolves?

“This is insane.” Alec closes the folder with an audible snap and rubs the heels of his hands into his eyes.

“Alec.” Lydia’s steady gaze meets Alec when he raises his head. “This changes nothing. You were already planning on shutting the Clave out of this Institute.”

Hearing it said so plainly makes Alec’s heart skip a beat, but he’s galvanised by the twin looks of encouragement on Lydia and Izzy’s faces. “They have the Cup.”

“Actually,” Lydia says. “I left it in your office.”

Alec blinks, surprised. “You didn’t take it to Idris?”

Lydia shakes her head, shrugging a little. “Everything that’s happened has made me think — and the whole trial situation didn’t sit right. I thought it would be better off here. Nobody in Idris knows yet. I don’t think they’d appreciate it.”

Alec doesn’t know what to do with that; as much as they’re about to stand up to the Clave, they’re hideously outnumbered. Though he thinks that maybe, there are people who he can count on.

“I’ll help you, Alec,” Lydia promises. “As much as I can.”

“Well, then,” Alec says, looking down at the report. It’s vague and dismissive of the Whitelaw incident. Glossing over deaths and blame, making sure no blame falls on any Shadowhunter, despite several photographs of werewolves, beheaded in an way that can only occur by seraph blade. Alec’s not surprised by any of it, the last of his hope extinguished by his parents. “I guess we should start.”

 

 

When Alec finally makes it to Magnus, report in tow, he’s grateful when Magnus leads him to the couch, letting him fall back onto it with a groan. Fingers lightly touch his arm. Alec shivers at the brush of fingertips to his skin, then feels the heat of magic, the pain that’s been throbbing for hours receding beneath Magnus’ healing touch.

“Thanks,” Alec breathes out slowly. He smiles, tangling his fingers with Magnus’. “I brought the report.”

Magnus takes it with one hand, flicking it open and reading it, his thumb rubbing the back of Alec’s hand gently. “Valentine is more dangerous now than he ever was before.”

Alec doesn’t disagree, but he gets flashes of images, memories, that are overwhelming.

Magnus tamps it down quickly. “Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Alec says. He feels exhausted, both mentally and physically. “I don’t know what to do.”

Magnus gives him a look, raising an eyebrow. “Yes you do, you just don’t want to do it.”

Alec snorts. Sometimes he regrets having his mind so open. He ignores the amusement from Magnus that thought garners. “I just — how can I trust the Clave and want to do what they say after everything I know? I also can’t do this without them.”

“Alec,” Magnus says, putting the report on the couch beside him. He hesitates before twisting a little, getting comfortable. He places his free hand on Alec’s shoulder, sliding it up to cup the back of Alec’s neck. “You can do this without them. I’m the High Warlock of Brooklyn — you’re friends with the leader of the New York Werewolf pack, and despite his abrasive nature, I promise you that Raphael won’t stand by and watch this city burn.”

If someone told Alec months ago that he’d be sitting in an apartment in Brooklyn, siding with Downworlders against the Clave, he’d have told them they were crazy. Now, even if it weren’t the best solution, Alec trusts that it’s the right one. He nods, unable to say anything.

**_I promise, we’re all behind you._ **

**_Why me?_** It’s easier to ask in his mind, to close his eyes and press into the hand Magnus moves to his cheek.

Magnus lets out a slow breath, leans in closer to press his forehead to Alec’s. “One day, I promise you’ll know your worth the way I see it, Alexander.”

Alec doesn’t think it’s true, but something about the way Magnus looks at him, speaks to him, makes Alec believe one day he will.

 

 

Jocelyn Fairchild arrives at the Institute.

Alec’s never seen someone in a magical sleep before, but Magnus assures him she can saved. “How?”

Magnus waves a hand over Jocelyn’s floating body, pushing past Luke, who’s refusing to leave Jocelyn’s side. “If we find out who put her in the sleep to start with, we can bring her out of it. She’ll be invaluable to us if she has knowledge of Valentine.”

Luke glares at him. “She’s invaluable besides that, Magnus.”

“I meant no offence,” Magnus says quickly. He shares a look with Alec. “Where are Clary and Jace?”

“Something with Simon,” Alec says. He rolls his shoulders. “Let me know if there’s anything else we can do. Are you staying with her?”

Luke nods. “I’ll watch over her until we come up with a plan.”

“I’ll make sure there’s a rotation,” Alec promises, already drafting one in his head.

 _ **Your mind used to be so interesting,**_ Magnus laments, joining Alec as he leaves the room.

Flushing, Alec elbows Magnus in the ribs. _**Still more interesting than yours**_.

 

 

 

“Valentine knows!” Jace says, striding into the training room.

Alec steps back from the punching bag, wiping at his forehead with his arm. “What are you talking about?”

Clary’s half a step behind Jace and she rests a hand on Jace’s arm. “Alec, Valentine knew about your bond.”

Alec frowns. “How do you know what Valentine knows?!”

Clary and Jace exchange a look. Clary looks apprehensive. “We were — it was Simon. We were with Camille and Raphael and Simon - and Raphael took over the clan. While they were dragging her away, she yelled something about Valentine telling her you guys had a bond.”

Alec feels light headed, sick, and not just from the confusion and irritation. He shakes his head. “No. That’s impossible.”

Jace throws his arms out. “Well it’s clearly not. Who have you told?”

“Jace,” Clary snaps, shoving him away. Alec doesn’t need to be handled with kid gloves and he almost says it out loud, but the roaring in his ears, the panic, is all he can think about. “Alec, you have to have told someone.”

“ _You’ve_ told everyone!” Alec snaps, knowing it’s childish, but unable to stop himself. “Thanks to you, Simon and Raphael were there too! The entire fucking New York Vampire contingent knows. How could so many people know about this?”

Unable to keep from thinking about the implications, Alec shakes his head. It doesn’t matter about anyone else, but if Valentine knows, they’re in danger. A bond like this — Alec doesn’t even want to think about what Valentine could do if he got his hands on one of them. Shoving at Magnus’ side of the bond, Alec knows his thoughts are jumbled and panicked, but Magnus is already promising to be there soon.

“He’s coming,” Alec says, ignoring the confused looks he gets from both Clary and Jace. “Fuck. How could this have happened?”

“You must have told someone,” Jace says again, voice hard. Alec bristles, knowing that Jace’s attitude comes from more than just the strain between them. It’s not his fault their parents fucked up, and despite his promise to be there for Alec, Jace is obviously feeling angry.

“Who would I tell?” Alec snaps. “You and Izzy looked at me like I was crazy whenever I mentioned it, so who else would I bother telling?”

“They’re just trying to help, darling.” Magnus sweeps into the room, throwing Jace a dirty look as he pushes past him. “You did tell someone else.”

“I—” **_Hodge_** he hears in his head and oh god, fuck. “Shit. No. He wouldn’t—”

Except that Alec is beginning to realise that trusting the adults around him has already proven to be a mistake.

“Who?” Jace demands.

“Hodge,” Alec says, unable to tear his eyes away from Magnus. It feels horrible, so many people betraying him. Everything he knows is turning itself on its head and he feels overwhelmed with it, horrified.

Magnus steps closer. “Alec? This is not your fault.”

Alec opens his mouth to reply, because it is, but gets a rush of denial instead. He shuts his mouth, leans down to rest his forehead against Magnus’ shoulder. “Fuck.”

“We’ll fix this,” Magnus promises. Alec can feel him move his head, turning towards Clary and Jace. “You need to find Hodge and bring him here to me.”

His voice is dangerous but Alec can’t bring himself to care. Magnus is brushing a hand through his hair, mind whispering words of strength and love and Alec lets himself bask in it for a beat, ignoring the embarrassment at Jace and Clary seeing him like this.

“Alec?”

Pulling away, Alec leaves a hand on Magnus’ hip as he looks over his shoulder at Clary.

“We’ll fix this.” Clary sounds certain and for the first time since she walked into his life, Alec gives her a small, weak smile. She turns on her heel, dragging Jace out of the room with her, and though Alec knows he and Jace need to fix this thing between them and fast, he can’t bring himself to say anything.

“I’ll sort Hodge,” Magnus promises, searching Alec’s face for something. Magnus only has to look, though, to know what’s running through Alec’s mind. That thought doesn’t frighten Alec anymore.

“The Clave would want him handed over to them,” Alec says, though distaste colours the words — and his thoughts. “He betrayed this Institute.”

Magnus gives him a look that’s dangerous. “He betrayed you. He offered Valentine information about something that should have been private. Never give up any anything to Valentine.”

“You think I haven’t thought about that?” Alec snaps, because it’s easier to get angry at Magnus who can take it, who knows that it’s all to hide the fear in Alec’s chest. “What Valentine might do if he got his hands on either of us?”

It’s a sobering thought, and one that has Magnus stepping closer, wrapping his fingers in Alec’s shirt. There’s barely space between them, Alec could dip his head just slightly and their mouths would touch. For a long, heart-stopping moment, Alec thinks it’s going to happen, but Magnus pulls back just slightly, eyes serious.

“He has to get his hands on us first.”

Alec can’t help but think about Valentine getting a hold of Magnus, the torture he could inflict to get what he wants.

“Hey,” Magnus says, brushing his fingers against Alec’s cheek. “That’s not going to happen.”

Alec nods, but can’t fight the cold feeling of dread settling in his stomach.

 

 

 

 

 

Despite the fact that their bond is now common knowledge among many people, Magnus manages to persuade Alec that their best hope of beating Valentine is to wake up Jocelyn — and for that they’re going to need to find one of Magnus’ old friends.

 

 

 

It’s been decades since Magnus set foot in London, even longer since he was anywhere near Ragnor’s cottage. It sits on acres of Ragnor’s own land — land that hardly sees use. It’s a tragic crime that Magnus would really like to rectify. He loves his apartment and probably won’t be leaving Brooklyn for centuries, but he can’t help but envy the open space that Ragnor refuses to utilise to its full potential.

Jace whistles as he looks around. “This is all Fell’s?”

Magnus nods, distracted by the sight of the cottage through the trees. The fact that Ragnor ignored his fire message hurt, though Magnus understands why. He’s been stressed about making sure the Warlocks of Brooklyn are safe and out from under threat, he can understand that Ragnor would be worried about himself.

“Come on,” Clary says, striding off toward the cottage. “We need to find Ragnor.”

“He’s not going to be easy to find,” Magnus says, thinking of his own wards and preventions in place to make sure he’s safe from anybody he doesn’t want to see. It’s just good for Jace and the others that Magnus likes Alec so much; he’s willing to drop his wards for them all. “You think blocking fire messages are the only means of protection he has?”

Clary looks back over her shoulder. “What other ways are there?”

Magnus’ eyes catch the ripple of magic even before Clary has fully turned around. Jace must see it at the same time because he pulls Clary back towards him just as Magnus shouts, “Watch it!”

The green fire licks around their feet, erupting up high enough to block the cottage from view. They’re surrounded, and Magnus silently curses his lack of attention. He gets a brush of surprise from Alec.

**_Are you okay?_ **

**_Fine_** , Magnus replies, his voice strained through the bond, even as he tries to focus on what Clary and Jace are saying. **_I’ll explain later. I’m fine._**

Alec feels sceptical, but Magnus manages to block him in favour of Clary.

“What is this?”

“Fire of protection that only the pure of heart and intention can cross,” Magnus says. He already knows he’s not crossing this threshold — he has to hope Clary can. His intentions here aren’t pure, he doesn’t particularly want Jocelyn awake. The prospect of seeing Ragnor is the only thing that might get him through.

Jace gives him a look over Clary’s shoulder. Magnus shrugs, though he acknowledges that Jace clearly isn’t getting through without fault either. It’s not life-threatening; magic wards like this rarely are, but he doesn’t tell them that.

“Ready?” Magnus asks them. He barely waits for the acknowledging nods before he starts to walk forward.

There’s a sensation of falling, a brush of alarm from Alec and Magnus panics; not considering Alec when he stepped through was a mistake. He feels hard floor beneath his feet and stumbles, falling to his knees. There’s a hand on his shoulder — Ragnor, Magnus realises — trying to help, but Magnus is fighting against the horror currently pounding through his head while he tries to reassure Alec that he’s fine, it’s just a spell, don’t panic. Confusion, anger and indignation on Magnus’ behalf greets him and under any other circumstance he’d be charmed, or at least grateful for the concern.

“Magnus?” The voice is distinctly Ragnor’s, but Magnus is preoccupied with Alec.

“Is he okay?” Distantly, Magnus recognises Jace’s voice. “Did he pass?”

“The magic reacted to something, but I don’t know what.”

The words wash over Magnus while he’s trying to soothe Alec, let him know that everything’s fine, that he’s not in trouble, it’s okay. **_Alec, I swear, it was a ward that backfired._**

Alec’s still panicked, though it’s subsiding. Magnus recognises the signs of the ward screwing with his equilibrium, whether confused over how pure of heart he is about Jocelyn, or whether the bond is affecting it.

 ** _You better be._** Alec’s threat feels a little too serious for Magnus’ liking.

When Magnus looks up, Ragnor is staring at him, a knowing look on his face. Behind his shoulder, Jace and Clary are both concerned, frowning.

“Sorry,” Magnus says. “Alec was worried.”

Jace snorts. “Understatement, no doubt.”

Clary nods, though she runs her eyes over Magnus one more time, just to make sure he’s okay. Magnus is aware he looks it physically, even though a headache is starting to creep in. Ragnor’s interest — and concern — isn’t subsiding, so Magnus takes his hand, giving it a squeeze.

“I’m fine, Ragnor.” As if to assuage his friend’s fears, Magnus runs his eyes over the house. “A bit drab, isn’t it? You could stand to liven it up a little.”

Ragnor narrows his eyes, taking the bait, though he gives Magnus’ hand a telltale squeeze in return before he turns to Clary. “Hmmm, he’s definitely better. As for you, my dear, I know what you’ve come for.”

Clary immediately latches on to that, her desperation for her mother evident on her face. Magnus’ conflict about Jocelyn fades whenever he sees that look. “So you did brew the potion my mother used?”

“Yes,” Ragnor replied, placing a hand on her shoulder. “At her request. I knew it was only a matter of time before you came looking for the antidote.”

“So you can wake her up?” Clary insists.

Magnus already knows the answer even before Ragnor says, “Not without the Book of the White.”

“Oh.” Magnus rolls his eyes. “That should be easy.”

Magnus is only too aware of the Book of the White, power so strong most Warlocks would do anything to get their hands on it. Magnus is strong enough, though he can’t deny that some spells in the book would be a boon to his already considerable powers.

“What’s that?” It’s Jace that asks, eyes trained on Magnus.

Surprised that the Shadowhunter never learnt about it, Magnus shrugs nonchalantly. “A book of spells more powerful than most Warlocks could imagine.”

“Not you, I take it?” Clary asks, tone dry. Ragnor and Magnus exchange a look, amused.

“My power is—”

“I was talking to Ragnor.” Clary smiles sweetly and Magnus laughs. His humour must flood the bond because he gets a shot of amusement and then fondness from Alec. He’s relaxing his worry and anger which is good; Magnus’ headache is bad enough without having to tamp down on how much he sends to Alec.

“So, this book,” Jace says, growing impatient.

Ragnor makes a face. “I don’t have it anymore. I don’t know who has it now. I do, however, have something that can help.”

He gestures for Magnus to follow him. Magnus rolls his eyes, knowing that he’s in for a grilling from his friend, but turns back to Clary and Jace. “Make yourselves comfortable. We’ll be right back.”

Ragnor wastes no time; as soon as they’re out of earshot, he gives Magnus a searching look. “Who’s Alec?”

Magnus snorts. “As if you haven’t come up with a hundred different scenarios.”

Nodding, Ragnor grins. “Yes, but something tells me none of those things can equal reality.”

Sighing, Magnus keeps silent as they wind their way up the spiral stairs, towards Ragnor’s study. “A Shadowhunter.”

Ragnor barely misses a beat. “I figured, what with you bringing them into my home an all. Any particular reason he’d be worried about you?”

Magnus and Ragnor have been friends for centuries, and he’s the closest person Magnus has to a best friend, but that still doesn’t stop the reluctance to admit, “We bonded.”

“Really?” Ragnor whips around, the expression on his face equal parts incredulous and amused. “Does Catarina know?”

“I insisted upon it as soon as I realised what it was,” Magnus replies. “Now, enough about that, where’s this “help”?”

Ragnor opens his mouth to reply, but before he can get any words out, there’s a blur of brown, a high snarl and then something collides with Magnus’ chest, something sharp tearing into the flesh of his neck.

Magnus grunts in pain, darkness flooding his vision. His last memory is off the sheer fear and horror that Alec sends through the bond.

 

 

“What are you talking about? I want to see Magnus!”

Magnus groans, vision swimming when he opens his eyes. The voices on the other side of the door are raised, and Magnus recognises them both at the same time that he feels the emotions currently rolling through his head. They threaten to overwhelm him, but just as soon as they come, they’re gone.

“He’s awake! Let me in there, or I swear I’ll—”

“Alec?” Magnus manages, and winces at how croaky his throat is.

The door opens abruptly, Ragnor half-stumbling as Alec sweeps in behind him, dropping to his knees beside the bed Magnus is currently lying on. Magnus blinks slowly; Alec’s expression is panicked, angry and worried all at once. He touches a hand to Magnus’ cheek.

“Hey. You okay?”

“Ragnor healed me,” Magnus says, because he knows the after effects of Warlock healing. His body aches, but he’s fine, though he’s pretty sure he’ll have a wicked scar on his neck. Alec must hear the thought, because he brushes his fingers over the white line just under Magnus’ jaw. Magnus leans into the touch. “What attacked me?”

“Shax demon,” Alec says, eyes darting back to Ragnor. “Your friend killed it.”

Magnus smiles at Ragnor, who nods his head in acceptance of the silence thanks. Turning back to Alec, he sighs. “You shouldn’t have come.”

Alec just glares, leaning down to touch his forehead to Magnus’. Magnus sees Ragnor over Alec’s shoulder, his expression equal parts surprised and amused. There’s no doubt that Magnus is going to have to explain himself as soon as Alec is gone. “I’m not going.”

Magnus sighs. “Alec, I’ll be fine here. You have to get back to the Institute.”

“No,” Alec says, stubborn, and he echoes the word inside Magnus’ head. Magnus winces, and gets a brush of fingers against his cheek in apology. “I’m not leaving you here.”

 ** _I don’t trust him_ ,** Alec says, mouth a thin, white line.

**_He’s my oldest friend, darling, I trust him more than I do some of your friends._ **

Alec must know he’s being irrational, because he doesn’t get angry at the jibe. He just sighs, closes his eyes and brushes a kiss against Magnus’ temple.

Ragnor is leaning against the wall now, watching the exchange in interest, and Magnus half wants to tell him to get out. He doesn’t, just curls a hand around the back of Alec’s neck.

“How did you get through the fire?”

Alec opens his mouth to reply, but Ragnor cuts across him. “It seems that he’s pure of heart — at least where you’re concerned.”

Alec looks belligerent, and there’s nothing in his head, but the expression he turns on Magnus is nothing short of obstinate.

Magnus blinks. “Alexander.”

“What?” Alec flushes, and there’s a flash of embarrassment before it’s tamped down and all Magnus gets is happiness and love, something he hasn’t felt in a long time.

“Alec—”

Before Alec can say anything, there’s a shout from down the hall and then Clary pokes her head around the door. “Jace thinks he’s found it!”

Alec turns, his mind already focusing on the Book of the White, and Magnus knows he’s not going to get anything out of him. Magnus shifts, his whole body protesting, but he’s not going to miss this. Alec immediately turns, a hand pressing against his shoulder. “Where do you think you’re going?”

Magnus pushes down the flush of irritation; he knows what it’s like to worry about someone you care for, but he’s not a child. “Alec, I’m fine, I’m not—”

“You are,” Ragnor presses, narrowing his eyes. “I didn’t spend hours healing you so that you could undo all of my hard work with a stupid stunt.”

“This is important,” Magnus snaps. He wraps his fingers around Alec’s wrist. “I’ll be okay, I promise.”

Ragnor still looks disapproving, but he makes no motion to step in. He nods to Clary and follows her out of the doorway.

“You could have been killed,” Alec says, voice low, eyes trained on the floor.

Magnus feels the fear underneath Alec’s worry and swallows. He hasn’t had anyone care about him like this in a long time, and he’s forgotten how it feels to have someone act like that. Placing his hand under Alec’s chin, he guides his head up. “Look at me.” As soon as Alec meets his eyes, Magnus gives him a soft smile, thinks about how much Alec is worth to him, how much it means to have someone worry about him. “You’re inside my head, Alec. You’ll know as soon as I reach my limit.”

It’s the most he can offer, but it seems to do the job. Alec nods, pulling Magnus gently into a hug. “I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

Magnus doesn’t reply for a moment, unable to make a promise he knows he can’t keep. He strokes his fingers through the strands at the nape of Alec’s neck. “We shouldn’t keep them.”

 ** _I know what you’re doing._** Alec doesn’t pull away. Magnus relaxes into the embrace. He relishes the feel of Alec’s hands on his shoulders, the kiss to his temple. **_Stop trying to protect me._**

Magnus wants to laugh. **_That goes both ways, don’t you think?_ **

Huffing out a laugh, Alec pulls back, finally letting Magnus go. Magnus feels cold everywhere they were touching and once more he’s startled by how much of an affect Alec has on him. It’s been so long — Camille was the last — and he never thought he’d have this again. Alec is startling, new, and something Magnus has wanted for so long, he doesn’t want to ever lose it.

“Shall we?” Magnus climbs to his feet, neck throbbing with pain, and isn’t surprised when Alec pulls some of that pain into himself. “You don’t have to do that.”

“Do what?” Alec says, innocent expression in place. Magnus isn’t fooled, but he just rolls his eyes, sinking into the arm Alec wraps around Magnus’ waist. The two of them leave the bedroom, heading down the small corridor and into the main room. There’s an array of artifacts laid out on the table, all of them with magical auroras and energies.

Jace is holding a bookmark out to Ragnor, but he still raises his eyebrows when Alec and Magnus walk in. Magnus feels the embarrassment and half expects Alec to blush and let go. He does blush, but doesn’t release his hold on Magnus. Magnus refuses to look at Ragnor, and instead gestures at the bookmark.

“What’s that?”

“It’s the bookmark from the Book of the White,” Ragnor says, taking the bookmark from Jace. He runs it through his fingers. “We can use it to track the book.”

 ** _Don’t even think about it,_** Magnus can feel Alec’s look, the amusement he sends through the bond.

 ** _I wouldn’t dare_**. Alec shakes his head at Jace, who looks surprised.

“Who’s going to track then?”

Ragnor snorts and holds the bookmark out to Magnus.

“Warlock magic is stronger,” Magnus says, throwing Jace a look. Jace rolls his eyes, but doesn’t say anything as Magnus closes his eyes, focuses on the bookmark.

Alec stiffens beside him as he gets a vision of the book and the coffin it’s not — and then the owner of said book inside the coffin, slamming on the top of the coffin. Magnus pulls himself from the vision and looks up at Alec — who’s seen everything. “Who is that?”

“Her name’s Camille,” Magnus says, and looks at Clary. “Well, Biscuit. I guess we know where we have to go.”

 

 

**_What the hell do you think you’re doing?!_ **

Magnus winces, but ignores the prodding Alec’s doing across the bond.

Knowing Camille the way he does, the last person he wants to put in front of her is Alec, so he takes Clary and Jace, and they make their way to the Hotel DuMort. Clary promises to call Simon, though Magnus doesn’t think they need him; he’s been friends with Raphael for a long time, and he’s fairly sure he can convince Raphael to help, even if he’s going to have give up something very embarrassing to do it.

**_How am I supposed to get home?_ **

**_Ragnor will help. You wouldn't have let me come._** Magnus knows it’s not because Alec’s trying to be difficult, but he knows how concerned he gets about Alec; it’s logical that Alec’s going to be the same.

The silence from Alec is more telling than anything he could have yelled.

Magnus follows Clary and Jace around the corner, the hotel looming above them. **_Alec? I’m sorry_.**

Alec’s angry, that much is clear, but it’s the silence that unsettles Magnus. Despite the fact this is all so new, he’s growing used to having everything explode across between them, on both sides, and not to have that is disconcerting.

 

 

 

Of course it’s Camille who brings up true love; Magnus has spent so long trying not to associate the feelings he has for Alec — and this bond — with that very thing, but he’s thought it before. How the want every time he sees Alec is overwhelming, and the desire curling in his belly is like nothing he’s ever felt.

“Or do you think you already have?” Camille says, her voice silky smooth in Magnus’ ear.

Magnus doesn’t know how he’d have reacted to that, but the instant the words wash over him, he feels Alec’s amusement and certainty through the bond. “Perhaps.”

Camille falters, not expecting him to be anything other than dejected. He gives her a look, but is startled when she spins him around. Between one beat and the next, she’s pressed her lips to his, trying to force him to reciprocate. Alec’s anger flares in Magnus’ head as the door bangs open.

Magnus shoves, watching with satisfaction as Camille stumbles, though she’s smiling, eyes flicking between Alec and Magnus. “Alec.”

Izzy’s expression is nothing short of furious, though Magnus is pleased most of it is aimed at Camille. She can’t know what he’s thinking, that none of Alec’s fury is for Magnus.

 _ **So this is the ex?**_ Alec says, giving Camille the once over. He sounds amused, though the flahses of jealousy Magnus can feel through the bond are enough to make him feel pleased. He shouldn’t, but it’s been a long time since someone’s felt those kind of emotions for him.

 _ **Unfortunately.**_ Magnus throws a look at Camille, who’s eyeing Alec with the kind of relish that would make him nervous, if he couldn’t feel Alec through their bond.

“You certainly have a type, don’t you, Magnus?” Camille says. “He’s cute.”

There’s the barest traces of a frown on Alec’s face, and Magnus reassures him through the bond that she’s doing this to get a rise, that this is the way Camille works. She keeps talking, trying to get a rise out of one or both of them, but they’re able to share thoughts; Magnus can convince Alec in ways he never would have without it that Camille is the kind to say and do whatever she can to get what she wants — in this case, her freedom.

As much as it pains Magnus to betray Raphael, to let her go free, he cares about what happens to Alec so much more. Now that Valentine has knowledge of their bond, is as close to freeing Jocelyn as they are, he’ll do whatever he can to keep Alec safe. When he tells Alec so, he watches the flush creep up Alec’s neck, and relishes the brush of _love, affection, trust_ he gets through the bond.

“I don’t have time for this,” Alec says out loud, giving Camille a look of disinterest. It’s the best kind of brush off and he doesn’t even know it. Magnus knows Camille, knows that she won’t stand for not being the center of attention, but Alec doesn’t care. “Where’s Clary?”

Magnus points in the direction of the library, watching Alec walk away with a soft smile on his face. He catches Izzy watching them, grinning as she meets his eyes, and it doesn’t fall when she turns to Camille, ready to tell her exactly what she thinks of her.

 

 

 

Book of the White secured, and Camille pleased to have the pardon in her hands, Magnus isn’t interested in the fireworks that are going to follow.

Simon faces down Camille, bravery etched on every inch of his face, and Magnus is somewhat proud of him. Standing up to someone who’s done the things Camille has to him must be difficult. Magnus doesn’t want to be around her anymore, though. _**I’m going to check the perimeter**_.

Alec still has his eyes on Camille and Simon but nods anyway. _**Take Jace?**_

Magnus really doesn’t want to do that, and makes it obvious. He catches the corner of Alec’s lip quirk up, but he looks imploringly at Magnus anyway. It’s clear he wants Magnus to play nice with his __Parabatai__ , so Magnus will oblige.

“Wayland, you’re with me. We’re checking the perimeter.”

Jace looks like he’s half a step from refusing, but must see the defiance on Alec’s face the same way Magnus does, so he nods. “Fine.”

 

 

Jace never shuts up.

Magnus knows this, of course, he’s been hanging around the Shadowhunters long enough. Still, checking the perimeter with Jace — and Magnus is going to kill Alec for that later — is made all the more annoying because Jace won’t stop talking.

“So what’s this bond thing like between you and Alec, anyway?” Jace asks, spinning the handle of his seraph blade under his arm. Magnus notices the gesture for what it is; a tic, something he does when he’s nervous or proud of his actions.

“That’s a little personal,” Magnus tells him, not even bothering to send him a look. He’s got most of his attention on actually doing their job — he’s been caught unawares by the Circle before and he refuses to be again — but there’s also a low buzz of worry and apprehension from Alec. It makes sense because Alec is always worrying, but there’s something about it that makes Magnus uncomfortable.

Jace falls into step beside Magnus, and his eyes dart all around, keeping watch just like Magnus. He takes a moment to grin at Magnus. “Yeah, but it must be something, right? Being inside of Alec’s head?”

Magnus lets out a small laugh, though he does think that Jace doesn’t take it seriously enough; there’s something about Alec’s mind that draws Magnus in, and it has nothing to do with attraction. He’s extremely intelligent and he has a hidden beauty to his mind that’s overshadowed only by how vibrant his thoughts are. “I much prefer it to having to suffer your mind.”

Jace looks startled for a second and then laughs, elbowing Magnus in the side. Magnus gives him a look, but accepts the gesture. Alec cares about Jace, loves him, and while Magnus can see sides of Jace that deserve that love, he and Jace aren’t friends like Alec and Jace are. Though Magnus does want to be, if only for Alec.

“So, there’s —”

There’s a high whine that seems to reverberate through Magnus’ head and the bond he shares with Alec dulls, like it’s muffled and strained. Magnus stops dead, words dying in his throat.

Jace frowns, staring at him. There’s nothing in his expression that tells Magnus something has happened to Alec, which means shutting off the bond is entirely Alec’s choice.

“Alec,” Magnus says, betrayal tight in his chest. He reaches for Alec, prods and thinks at Alec directly, but there’s nothing. “Something’s happened.”

Almost before the words are out of his mouth, the two of them are running back to the library, where they left Camille with Alec and the others. Magnus is already drawing on his magic, blue light licking his fingers as he and Jace skid into the room, horror overriding any panic when they see just who is standing in the library.

“Valentine,” Jace snarls, seraph blade at the ready.

“Don’t be an idiot,” Magnus snaps, because Valentine’s hand is currently curled around the back of Alec’s neck, blade to Alec’s throat. Alec’s got his hands up, the eternal gesture of surrender, but it’s the acceptance on his face that scares Magnus. There are other Circle members in the library, at least two on each of them, not least Magnus. Magnus lets the magic form in his palm, even as Valentine looks at him hungrily.

Alec meets his eyes. “Magnus, don’t.”

“Magnus Bane,” Valentine says, and it’s clear he knows what he has with Alec. He’s staring at Magnus’ hands, watching the magic in a way that makes Magnus feel sick. “Feel free to try and protect him.”

Magnus wants to. He wants to tear Valentine limb from limb, even while he’s fighting down the sick feeling in his stomach from the empty parts of his mind. Alec’s eyes haven’t left Magnus, his expression sad.

“What do you want?” Jace asks. Magnus can hear the apprehension in his voice, the worry, though he thinks if you weren’t looking for it, it would be easy to overlook it.

Valentine takes in all of them; Izzy, with her whip curled back of her arm. Clary, panic clear in her eyes. Simon, who’s not sure what to do. Jace and Magnus, both of whom are now flanked by Circle members. When his gaze lands back on Magnus, he tightens his grip on Alec, wrenching him back towards the portal currently shimmering in the background. This has everything to do with Camille, and Magnus is going to kill her, he’s going to —

“I think I have everything I need,” Valentine replies, grinning at Alec who’s doing his best to twist out of the way.

“Alec!” Izzy cries, taking a step forward. Almost immediately, one of the Circle members has his hand curled around Izzy’s arm. “Let go of me!”

Alec growls, then relaxes in Valentine’s grip. “It’s alright, Izzy. It’s going to be fine.”

“For some of you,” Valentine says, looking pointedly at Alec and then Magnus. It makes Magnus’ stomach turn, and it’s all he can do to keep his magic in control. Whatever he throws at Valentine will hit Alec too — and Magnus isn’t going to risk that.

“I’m going to kill you,” Magnus says, throwing every part of him that’s demon into his tone.

Valentine’s eyes narrow, cupping Alec’s chin with the hand he has wrapped around Alec’s chest. “Would you risk the Shadowhunter you’re bonded to?”

It’s the first time he’s admitting it where Magnus can hear. Alec’s eyes are wide and panicked as he looks at Magnus. Magnus wants to know what was going on in that head. He hates this separation. He doesn’t know why it’s happening; he can’t see anything on or around Alec that would block a bond, and how would Valentine be able to come up with something so quickly?

Magnus doesn’t reply, eyes boring straight into Valentine instead.

“Enough of this,” Valentine says, gesturing at the rest of his Circle. “We’re leaving. Try and stop us, and your beloved Alec dies.”

Izzy stumbles as she’s pushed away, Simon immediately heads for Clary, though it’s Jace and Magnus who take that step toward Alec, despite Valentine’s warning.

“Don’t,” Alec says. “It’s okay.”

“I’ll find you,” Magnus promises, even as Valentine’s dragging Alec backwards toward the portal. “I _will_ find you.”

The last thing Magnus sees as the portal shimmers to a close, is the expression on Alec’s face; resigned, frightened, and lost, like it’s the last time he’s going to look at Magnus.

 

 

 

“How did he even get a hold of Alec?!” Jace says, rounding on Izzy almost immediately.

“Stop it,” Clary says, stepping between them. “It’s not her fault! Alec was standing right over there when the portal appeared. Valentine grabbed him immediately.”

“He was a weak target,” Camille says, and Magnus forgot she was even there. “Easiest person.”

“Give me a reason,” Magnus snaps, magic tingling over his fingers. He wants a reason to hurt someone, anyone, and he’s angry enough at Camille for it to be her.

Camille eyes are lit with the same disdain he’s used to. “Go ahead, Magnus. Show your new Shadowhunter friends the kind of person you _really_ are.”

“He’s worth a thousand of you,” Jace interjects, seraph blade to Camille’s throat. She hisses, stepping back, but Jace keeps advancing on her. “Why don’t you take that new pardon of yours and disappear somewhere nobody has to look at you.”

Though she can be nasty and vindictive when she wants to be, Camille knows when she’s beaten. With Jace’s blade at her throat, Magnus’ magic dancing over his hands, and even Clary and Izzy taking battle ready stances, Camille lets out another sound. Her eyes finally rest on Simon.

Simon narrows his eyes. “I’m not going to help you.”

“Fine,” Camille says at last. “But this isn’t the end.”

Magnus turns away, confident that Jace will watch until she’s out of sight, and stares at the wall where Alec disappeared. The bond in his head still dull and muffled and he doesn’t know what that means for Alec.

Jace comes to stand next to him, dropping his seraph blade to his side and rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. “Why does he want Alec anyway?”

“Alec has a bond,” Magnus replies, harsher than he means to be. “He also has a __Parabatai__. Why take you or Clary when he has access to a High Warlock and a __Parabatai__ bond through one person? Who would _you_ take?”

“This was planned?” Izzy sounds horrified and angry in equal measure.

“Nothing Valentine does is anything but planned.” Magnus injects the venom he feels into his voice. Once again Valentine is terrorising both the shadow and mundane worlds, and Magnus is just as powerless as he was last time. What use is having this much magic at this fingertips, if he can’t help Alec? “We’ll find him.”

He sounds more certain than he feels; Valentine isn’t stupid. Wherever he’s taken Alec it won’t be a case of simply tracking him, of that Magnus is almost certain.

“Are you okay?” It’s Jace who asks, looking uncomfortable. Magnus is touched that he cares, even though he’s not okay, and neither is Jace.

“About as well as you.” Magnus stares down at his hands, startled that he’s still thrumming with magic. Letting it fade, he pushes it deep where he can keep it churning until he can unleash it, hopefully right at Valentine. He’s going to rip him to pieces, show him what a _real_ prince of hell can do, and if Valentine thinks he’s getting out of this alive, he’s sorely mistaken. “There’s nothing more we can do here. Biscuit, bring the book.”

Without waiting to see if she hears, Magnus sweeps out of the room, every step he gets further away from the library, the heavier his heart becomes. His head is oddly silent, making a sick feeling settle in the pit of his stomach. He refuses to entertain any other notion than Alec is alive; it’s as though his mind can’t comprehend any other scenario.

He wonders briefly what happens if one of them dies while still bonded; if Alec dies, he’s sure that living beyond that would be unbearable. Better they both die, he thinks, than have to endure in a world without Alec.

 

 

“How are we supposed to sleep when Alec’s out there somewhere!” Jace’s voice echoes down the hall.

Clary has an arm around Izzy’s shoulder, whispering something in her ear, not that Magnus cares to know what she’s saying. He doesn’t know why he followed them back here. His apartment is full of things more able to help locate Alec than anything they could find in the Institute, but part of him is still back in Camille’s library, on the expression on Alec’s face as Valentine had pulled him through the portal.

“Magnus?” Izzy puts a hand on Magnus’ elbow, drawing him out of his contemplation. “Are you okay?”

He just raises his eyebrows, not wanting to address the stupid question. Instead, he turns to Jace. “Sometimes it’s wiser to regroup than it is to run yourself into the ground on nothing.”

Jace’s expression turns dark. “Why aren’t you more worried about this? Aren’t you supposed to care?”

It’s a low blow, and probably one that Jace is aware of making, but Magnus is already raw and upset from losing Alec. He’s not in the mood to deflect whatever guilt and anger Jace is carrying. Magnus draws himself up to his full height, letting the glamour on his eyes drop. “Do you _think_ that I want this? That I’m not going out of my mind because I don’t know where Alec is and my only link to him is being blocked? Don’t ever suggest that I don’t care about him.”

Jace is a Shadowhunter and doesn’t back down, but there’s a wariness and apprehension in his eyes that wasn’t there before. He opens his mouth to say something, but Izzy’s grip on Magnus’ elbow tightens.

“What do you mean your connection to Alec is blocked? What’s happened to the bond?”

“It feels wrong,” Magnus admits, angry at himself for revealing that. “It’s dulled and feels like being underwater.”

It’s the best explanation he has; everything is fuzzy and unclear, and every time Magnus prods at the bond, Alec withdraws. He doesn’t know what that means, but is terrified for Alec nonetheless.

“Sorry,” Jace says, begrudgingly. “I just want him back.”

“We all do.” Clary looks pointedly at Jace before taking his hand. “Come on. The sooner we get some sleep, the sooner we can find a way to Alec.”

Tugging on Jace’s hand, Clary leads him towards her bedroom, though not before Jace gives Magnus a tentative, apologetic smile.

Magnus doesn’t return it, though not because he doesn’t like Jace. He doesn’t have the energy for much of anything, much less getting himself back to his apartment. He’s just wondering how much stick he’d get from Catarina if he asked her to come to him, when Izzy lets out a slow breath.

“You could stay in Alec’s room.”

“No,” Magnus says, almost immediately. “Izzy—”

Izzy wraps her arms around Magnus, and though he stiffens for a beat, he soon relaxes, letting her hold him. “He’ll be okay, Magnus. He’s strong.”

Magnus doesn’t say anything, just lets Izzy take whatever she needs.

When she finally pulls away, Izzy wraps her arms around her torso. “I need to go and find Max and tell him what’s happened. Please, Magnus, stay here tonight?”

Without waiting for him to reply, Izzy spins on her heel and walks away, back straight and looking every bit the strong woman. Magnus knows better, can see the cracks in her armour, as worried about Alec as the rest of them.

Alec is strong, but Valentine doesn’t care, and that makes all the difference.

 

 

Alec’s room is sparsely decorated, every bit the reflection of the man. Magnus can’t help but imagine the many ways he can change things around, make it look more inviting, more like a home. His heart skips and he can’t help but reach out for Alec through the bond, unsurprised when Alec doesn’t answer, doesn’t give him anything at all.

The bed is still unmade, and Magnus’ lips quirk into an unbidden smile. He’s always suspected Alec of being neat and tidy - especially with his cleaning of the couch after Luke’s injury - but his room clearly belies that. Running a hand over the admittedly terrible sheets, Magnus feels tiredness settle over him like a blanket. His desperation to find Alec, the ache in his chest, the headache blossoming at the back of his head, it all coalesces into something that makes Alec’s bed the most inviting thing he’s ever seen.

He lies down, staring at the picture of Alec, Izzy and Max that’s framed on the bedside cabinet. His heart lurches at the smile on Alec’s face, the twin grins that Izzy and Max are wearing. It’s so familial and happy, and it’s one of Alec’s rare smiles, the ones Magnus sees most often inside of Alec's head.

Closing his eyes, he wills sleep to come quickly.

_“Well, well, well.” Valentine stares down at Magnus, his eyes glinting dangerously. “You are a strong one.”_

_Magnus keeps his quiet. He’s not about to start mouthing off to_ Valentine _. He doesn’t know where they are, only that whatever room he’s being kept in is cold and wet, rocking rhythmically. Maybe a boat?_

_Valentine frowns, eyes raking over Magnus’ body. “I thought you’d crack by now.”_

_Magnus isn’t going to give in; the safety of his friends depends on it. “I’ll never give in.”_

_The grin on Valentine’s face sends a shudder of fear down Magnus’ back. “Oh, you will. When I exploit the _ _Parabatai__ rune on your side, or perhaps when I use your bond to that Warlock to get him right here, where I want him.”_

_Magnus swallows down the urge to yell, to rip Valentine to pieces._

_“Do you know,” Valentine says, almost conversationally, crouching down to be on Magnus’ eye level. “I would sacrifice everything to get Magnus Bane here in chains. The son of a Prince of Hell to do my bidding.”_

_Magnus barely has time to think about the meaning of_ Prince of Hell _before he surges forward, stretching the chains around his wrists and ankles to their limit in an effort to get to Valentine, to kill him, hurt him,_ destroy _him. Valentine pulls back, smile wide._

_Something hits Magnus from behind, and as he loses consciousness, Valentine’s laughter follows him down._

Magnus wakes quickly, eyes snapping open as he breathes, sharp and harsh. “Alec!”

 

 

Magnus waits only long enough for everyone to stumble through the door, all bleary eyed, before he starts speaking. “I know where Alec is.”

Immediately, everyone comes awake. Magnus is going to have to ask Izzy how she looks so good, even at this time of the morning, but she takes a step forward, dropping down onto Alec’s bed. “How?”

Magnus remembers parts of the dream — the memory — and frowns. “I had a dream.” At the look on Jace's face he adds, “It’s a memory. I’m him and see everything through his eyes.”

Taking it in stride, Clary folds her arms over her chest, looking thoughtful. “So when you say you know where he is, do you know the exact location?”

“I’d already be there,” Magnus snaps, though he knows it’s not her fault. Valentine’s laugh and the look on his face still echo in Magnus’ mind. He’s stood against Valentine before and lost. He doesn’t think he can do it again. “He’s on a boat. The storage room where Alec was chained was wet and cold. It also rocked.”

A boat makes sense; tracking doesn’t work on water and Valentine would know that. However much he wants Magnus in chains, he wants to be found on his own terms.

“Alec’s in chains?” Jace snaps. He lets out a growl of frustration and punches the wall, pulling away from the comforting hand Clary lays on his shoulder. “I’ll kill him.”

“Get in line,” Izzy mutters. She’s staring down at her hands. “What else did you see?”

Magnus doesn’t want to think about it, but tells them anyway, deliberately leaving out the part about him being a Prince of Hell. Bad enough that Alec knows, he doesn’t want the entire horde of Nephilim to know his heritage.

“Seventy percent of the Earth is water.” Izzy pressed her fingers to her mouth. “How are we supposed to find Alec in all of that?”

It’s a question Magnus doesn’t know how to answer.

“Maryse,” Jace says, voice catching on the word. “She knows Valentine’s old haunts.”

“No,” Izzy snaps. “In case you’ve forgotten, our parents are murderers, Jace, and I don’t want—”

“Jace is right.” Magnus ignores the look of betrayal on Izzy’s face, and meets Jace’s shocked expression. “You need to be the one to ask.”

“Wait, Magnus, you can’t be serious!” Izzy stands, throwing her arms out. “Alec cut ties with them, and if he knew you were entertaining the idea of asking them!”

Magnus stands abruptly, cutting off Izzy’s tirade. He looms, but keeps the glamour up this time. He’s not angry, just exhausted, resigned, and scared. “If I could think of anything else, Isabelle, I would be doing it. No Warlock can track Alec over water, no creation of the Nephilim has the ability to locate him, unless you want to kill Jace as well as Alec.”

Izzy still looks betrayed, her eyes sad. “Magnus, please. Alec wouldn’t _want_ this.”

“I don’t care,” Magnus lies. “If it gets me to Alec, I’ll do whatever it takes, including asking for help from Maryse Lightwood.”

Jace looks from Magnus to Izzy and then to Clary, who’s remained silent. She’s looking at Magnus far too knowingly, and he forces himself to stare back. His head is too empty and quiet. He needs to help Alec.

“We should ask,” Clary says quietly. “Izzy, if we don’t get to Alec soon-”

“Fine,” Izzy snaps, but jabs a finger at Magnus. “Ask her, but you can be the one to tell Alec who he owes a debt to.”

She stalks out of the room before Magnus can reply, but what would he say? He owes the debt, not Alec? Sorry? Asking Maryse for a favour is distasteful and Magnus already foresees the guilt he’s going to feel when Alec finds out, but he wants Alec back alive. Magnus has never wanted anyone the way he wants Alec. He’s lived for four centuries and he’s never loved anyone the way he loves Alec.

 

 

 

It’s Clary who comes up with an alternative.

She asks Lydia, who is still with Robert and Maryse in Idris, to find out everything she can from Maryse about former hiding places Valentine favoured. When he finds out, Magnus is sceptical that she’ll succeed; Robert and Maryse are both hurting from the emancipation of their children, and he doubts they’ll be inclined to help. When he tells Clary so, she looks apprehensive.

Magnus is livid at the expression. “Did you tell them about Alec?”

“It was the only way,” Clary says, holding up her hands. “I swear, Magnus, I only told Lydia and she won’t reveal it to them.”

Unappeased, Magnus can feel his magic rising in his chest, as much as he tries to shove it down. “If they find out—”

He leaves the threat hanging, though Clary looks unfazed. She’s getting stronger, tougher, and Magnus’s pride fades beneath the worry still settling around him.

“We'll find him, Magnus.” Clary doesn’t touch him, wary, but she does step closer. “Lydia will get the information we need.”

Magnus doesn’t want to think about the alternative.

There’s an uncomfortable silence that neither of them seem inclined to break, until Clary sits on the edge of Alec’s bed, playing with a tear in her jeans. “Can you feel him?”

“Yes.” Magnus doesn’t even need to hesitate. Alec’s still there, however dim and dull the connection is.

“Then hold onto that,” Clary says. She reaches out, takes the hand he reluctantly gives her. She tangles their fingers together, squeezing gently. “As long as you have that, we have a chance.”

Magnus is reminded how young she really is. She knows nothing of Valentine, of the chaos he created the last time. There are worse things than death, he knows, and his fear for Alec doesn’t dissipate.

 

 

 

Jace is unusually quiet as they make their way towards the dock.

It’s just one of the locations that Lydia came back with, and as much as Magnus doesn’t want to trust the information, he knows that Maryse values her own skin above all else; if she thinks it will save her, the information will be true. It’s dark, the best time for them to search, and Magnus knows Raphael and Simon are somewhere on the other side of the city, searching out another location.

Izzy and Clary are at the other end of the docks, Clary with a good luck and Izzy with the cold shoulder. She’s still ignoring him, angry about gaining information from her mother, and while Magnus can understand, he’s also lived a good long while, and Maryse Lightwood can be dealt with later.

“Not your usual chatty self?” Magnus says.

Jace doesn’t reply, seraph blade spinning through his hand.

Magnus scowls, opens his mouth to say something, when he spots the pained look in Jace’s eyes. He reaches out, grabbing Jace’s elbow. “Hey.”

Jace starts, blinking furiously as he looks at Magnus. “What the hell?”

“You’re supposed to be paying attention.” He gives Jace the once over. “Are you in pain?”

Jace shrugs, failing to look nonchalant. “Think it’s leftover from an earlier fight. I’m fine.”

Sceptical, Magnus pulls away. He keeps an eye out along the dock - they need to find something to get them out onto the water - but there’s something about Jace that confuses him. “You can’t fool me, Jace.”

A look of panic crosses Jace’s face, only adding to Magnus’ mounting suspicion. “What are you talking about?”

“I don’t know,” Magnus admits. “Why don’t you tell me?”

“No.” Jace starts off again eyes scanning the water.

Magnus takes a step and then stops dead, gasping as the breath is punched from his chest. The pain that’s been thrumming in the back of his head explodes and it feels like Alec is physically ripping himself from Magnus’ mind. He’s _breaking the bond._

“Magnus?” Jace is there in an instant, face equal parts fear and guilt. “What’s happening?”

“Alec,” Magnus gets out, gritting his teeth against the pain. “He’s trying to break the bond!”

Jace curses under his breath, helps Magnus over to a stack of crates. Magnus sinks onto one, cradling his head in his hands. Jace’s hand burns where it’s pressed to his back and he wants to throw up. He’s never felt anything like this, not even when he faced his father for the first time. _Alec, please_.

Nothing.

Magnus digs his fingers into his neck, trying to shove the pain down like he does his magic, but it’s not working. He sees the pained expression on Jace’s face at the same time Jace stumbles, grunting in pain. “Jace?”

Jace waves a hand, trying to make light of it, but Magnus isn’t stupid; Alec’s trying to break the bond, and Jace is walking around like he’s in constant pain and it’s not because of an old wound — Magnus healed that himself.

“It’s Alec,” Magnus says, fighting against the pain to grab hold of Jace and tug him down to eye level. “You’re hurting because Alec is hurting!”

There’s only a flash of guilt before it’s gone, but it’s enough. “Magnus—”

Jace and Alec share pain, didn’t Alec tell him that once? Magnus presses the palms of his hands into his eyes and takes a deep breath.

“What’s happening?”

“I’m not going to tell you,” Jace says, tone dangerous. “There’s a reason he’s doing this.”

“Do you know what it’s like to break a bond?” Magnus asks, using the pain he feels to make his tone dangerous. “The only reason Alec would subject himself to something like that, to protect me, is because he thinks it’s the only option!”

“Of course he’s trying to protect you!” Jace snaps in reply. “We’re used to torture, every Shadowhunter has to know how to take it, but that doesn’t mean he wants you to feel it!”

Magnus stand abruptly, angry beyond measure. It’s enough that the pain recedes, the part of the bond that’s inherently Alec thrums with panic and concern, and though it’s the first time Magnus has felt Alec in days, he ignores it. “ _That’s_ what he’s been hiding from me? Torture?!”

Valentine is going to die. Magnus is going to make him _suffer_. He’s known, abstractly, that Valentine is sadistic and evil, that torture is a logical course for someone of Valentine’s disposition, but the thought of Alec hiding it, of protecting Magnus from finding out about it makes something in him snap.

He draws on his magic, furious enough that he can feel the flames that lick his body. Valentine wants a Prince of Hell? He’ll show Valentine a Prince of Hell. He’s going to destroy him.

 ** _Magnus!_** Alec sounds wrecked, pained, and that just fuels Magnus’ anger all the more. _**Stop**_!

 ** _NO_**. Magnus stares at Jace, who’s standing near, eyes wide and not sure what to do. Magnus turns away from him, towards the water. **_You’re trying to break our bond! I just found you, Alexander, I am NOT going to lose you._**

Alec says nothing to that, though Magnus can feel the elation, uncertainty and love from his side of the bond.

**_I am going to find you, Alexander, if I have to burn the Earth to the ground to do it._ **

**_Magnus_** , and now that he’s not hiding from Magnus, when Alec grunts in pain, Magnus hears, sees and feels it. His rage spurns his magic on. **_You can’t! He’ll use you._**

 ** _You think I care?!_** Magnus unlocks the magic he keeps deep, the kind of magic that scares even Ragnor and Catarina, but this is for Alec, to save Alec. **_I’m coming, Alec, I’m going to find you, I’m_** coming _ **.**_

 ** _”NO!”_** Alec screams.

 ** _I WILL KILL HIM,_** Magnus shouts back.

Suddenly there’s a ripple in his magic, a shout in his head, and then a rolling cloud of flame. Something — _Jace_ — slams into Magnus and knocks him to the floor. As they watch, the water bubbles and boils. Magnus tries to form a protective shield, but his body aches in the way it does after he’s used too much magic, exhausted and drained.

In his head, Alec says, **_oh shit_** and then there’s nothing.

“Alec,” Magnus whispers, as the cloud of fire and smoke rushes toward them.

 

 

 

Magnus jerks awake, gasping, his mind already reaching out for Alec. There’s a silence there, but it’s more reverent than absence. No amount of prodding makes Alec respond, so Magnus pushes up onto his elbows. “Oh, fuck.”

Jace shifts beside him, sliding to his knees. “What the—”

The lake stretching out from the dock has disappeared, smoke billowing up from the seabed. Out in the distance, Magnus can see a decimated ship, a crater sitting in the middle of what was once water. “Alec.”

Jace is already climbing to his feet, and Magnus takes a deep breath, pulls on what little magic he can. His need for Alec overrides any sense of self preservation, and as soon as the portal shimmers into existence, Magnus feels his knees give out. Jace is there, arm helping to support him, guiding him towards the portal.

It’s humiliating, but Magnus doesn’t care; he wants to be with Alec, to see Alec.

The portal drops them in the middle of the crater, and Magnus takes in the scene with an open mouth. Jace curses beside him.

Alec’s standing, hands burning with magic, Valentine’s body at his feet. Everything about Alec screams magic, from the crackle of energy around him, to the shine in his eyes.

“Alec,” Jace says, but Alec doesn’t even flinch.

Magnus steels himself, pushing away from Jace. Jace looks concerned, but Magnus has been drained before, knows what he can and can’t do. Though his legs are shaky, he starts toward Alec, who still has chains dangling from his wrists. His hair is wild, all static and crazy, and it just makes him all the more attractive.

Magnus stops feet away from Valentine, ignores the disappointment that he doesn’t get to wrap his fingers around the man’s neck and hold. “Alec.”

Finally, Alec looks up from staring at Valentine’s body. Magnus is aware vaguely of Jace coming up behind him, but Magnus is looking down at Valentine, his death not nearly enough to satisfy Magnus’ vindictive need to see him suffer slowly.

Alec’s mouth opens, but it’s his mind that says, **_Magnus_**.

“I didn't know you could do that,” Magnus says. Alec blinks and then grins, making his whole face light up.

Magnus deliberately ignores the bruises and marks on Alec’s body, doesn’t want to think about how they got there. Instead, he takes a step forward and then another, until he can touch Alec. As soon as he curls his fingers around Alec’s neck, his body sings with it, pain and exhaustion dissipating. Alec breathes out, clenching his fists into Magnus’ jacket, burying his face in Magnus’ neck.

They stand like that for a while, Magnus stroking his fingers through Alec’s hair, trying to tame it. Alec just breathes, finally pulling back to look Magnus in the eye.

“You didn’t have to come.”

It’s a stupid thing to say, and Magnus lets him know so through the bond. He cups Alec’s cheek, thumb catching on Alec’s bottom lip. “I’ll always come for you.”

Alec presses into Magnus’ hand, cheeks red, but he looks determined. “You didn't need to protect me.”

His mind makes a lie of his words, entwining with Magnus’ until Magnus isn’t sure which thoughts are his and which are Alec’s. He shudders; this is the one thing he’s been craving above all else, to be loved so completely by someone, and he doesn’t know how to handle it.

“Isn’t it what we do?” He manages the words, though his breath hitches.

Alec’s eyes are shining, a smile on his lips. He presses forward, bumping his nose against Magnus’ in his enthusiasm. The kiss is sloppy and unpractised, but it’s the best Magnus has ever had. The noises they’re both making, the rush of emotion that’s his and Alec’s — theirs —, the need to be closer. It’s overwhelming.

Magnus tangles his hands further into Alec’s hair as Alec grabs the back of Magnus’s jacket, hauling him closer. Magnus is sure that if they were in the privacy of their own room, they’d be naked and he’d be able to touch, to taste, to _have_. He’s projecting, knows it as soon as Alec groans, shudders, his grip on Magnus’ jacket strong enough that Magnus is expecting it to tear.

The kiss threatens to be as all consuming as their bond, and Magnus doesn’t care.

 _I love you_.

Magnus doesn’t know which one of them says it, but when he opens his eyes, sees the way Alec is looking at him, with love and want and _power_ , he knows it doesn’t matter.

**Author's Note:**

> after editing this thing, i realised i hated every word, but i couldn't stand re-writing the entire thing so. i hope you enjoyed it at least D:
> 
> you can find the rebloggable post [here](http://thisissirius.tumblr.com/post/147068987038/this-type-of-mine-magnusalec-teen-27815) and the art here. thank you for reading!


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